Public Service Announcement from our Dragon Overlords

Voice: We interrupt this program for an important bulletin from the EFL Capital.

Anchorperson (in subdued voice, not looking at the cameras, hands visibly shaking):  Supreme Calamity-in-Chief Dragonmaster John Johnson has declared the national emergency over, with the weak and corrupt usurper Rosebuds and Wolverines fleeing toward the border.

Dragons now occupy all the important positions atop the EFL,  secure against all but the most improbable Tornado rocket from any attackers.  Fires set by over-eager Dragons during the recent coup are quickly being extinguished — so fear not, the entire league will not be burned to a crisp, as some have outrageously alleged.

All EFL citizens are instructed to remain where they are, in the safety of your current lodgings, until the legitimate Dragon EFL government completely quells all resistance.  In that regard, our dear Dragon leader warns Allegheny sympathizers to hold your team in check.  Another 0.5 game advance on first place will be seen as a hostile act.  And you too, Drive!  Beware.  Behold the fate of the Kangaroos yesterday, and take fair warning.

As for the Tornados: our Dear Dragon Leader acknowledges the Flint Hill people come from a good family. But they still cannot conduct themselves with impunity. Tornados are not star Olympic swimmers and shouldn’t act like them.  Show humility and learn to stay in your rightful place.

The Dragon Party reaffirms its commitment to helping the poor and disadvantaged.  Not you, you Cheeses. You are part of the privileged classes, and Dragons are good at making grilled Cheese sandwiches.  The Party’s benign commitment is only to the Balkans in our society: impoverished, uneducated, marginalized, the deck stacked against them.  The Dragons are your friends!  Prepare for some friendly cooperative roster readjustment with your Dragon friends, to enhance your long-term prospects!

And here is the Supreme Calamity-in-Chief’s message to any remaining fans of those “peace”-loving Rosebuds, or those “pro-democracy-and-rule-of-law” Wolverines: “Wake up! Cast away your weak dreams of so-called peace and harmony.  I will have mercy upon you if you abandon your delusions promptly.  But I warn you: do not delay in coming over to the strong side!  Order and security are paramount in this time of crisis.”

(Anchorperson looks up at the camera, tears running down his face):  That concludes this bulletin.  Take care, everyone, and… (sob!)… farewell!