It’s another beautiful day here in Oregon…

Cottage: DNP,  (-1) – 0. (.240 .296, .440; 0 pitching).  Bryce Harper came to play (2 for 3 with a homer and a walk), and so did his sidekick Aaron Hicks (2 for 5 with a HBP). But most of the rest of the team took the off day off.  It must be heartening to the other teams near the top that the Cheese have been sort of stationary for the last few days.  It must be — but I can’t say I know that it is.  All those events up there atop the standings are so far away from where I sit…

Flint Hill: W, 5 – 2. (.294, .333, .353; 7 ip, 1 er).  The Tornadoes probably don’t want this bruited about too much, but they gained a half game on the Cheese Monday.  A skeleton crew of 5 hitters did reasonably well, and Trevor Cahill did even better (5.3 ip, 0 er).  I don’t know how a team of Tornadoes can expect to sneak up on anyone, but just in case, let’s try to keep it quiet so as not to wake the Cheese, ok?

Kaline: W 1, L (-1); 0 – (- 9). (.182, .308, .545;  8 ip, 0 er).  The Wizard is such an inspiration to all of us!  We remember when we were AHEAD of the Drive. And now there they are mixing with the big boys.  And then, today they’ve traded in a loss for a win, all because two pitchers combined for 8 scoreless innings. I’ve tried but failed to explain how 8 scoreless innings can remove 9 earned runs — maybe the defense allowed an extra run, but that only gets us to about 8… It must be the Wizard’s magic! But if he can do it, then by the rules of the EFL so can any of us!  So I can’t wait until Old Detroit erases 9 runs from our runs allowed, and leaps a whole game in the standings.

Peshastin:  DNP, (-1) – 0. (.229, .250, .429;  3 ip, 6 er).  Phil better hurry back and pay attention to his team. New Pear Trevor Williams fell apart on the mound. And five of his hitters looked completely lost at the plate, combining to go 0 for 16 with 10 strikeouts.  Khris Davis struck out 4 times in 4 trips to the plate.  Phil — let us know what we can do to help?  Send Trea Turner to the minors, maybe?

Pittsburgh: “L”, 4 – 3.  (.000, .200, .000;  7 ip, 2 er).  That batting line is all Cody Bellinger, the only Allegheny to show up to bat.  That pitching line is Kendall Graveman, the only Allegheny hurler to show up to hurl. All that offense is just the momentum of the teams’ stats. this month.  Must be nice.

Haviland: W 1, L (-1); 4 – 3. (.400, .478, .700;  13 ip, 5 er).  The Dragons got 22 plater appearances, and made the best of them. Colby Rasmus went 2 for 4 with a triple and a homer. Gary Sanchez went 3 for 3 with a walk. Neil Walker didn’t walk, but he did go 2 for 5 with double.

Canberra:  L, 2 – 6. (.150, .261, .200;  6 ip, 4 er).  Not a super day, especially not for Blake Snell: 5 ip, 4 er, a result only a Wolverine could love.

Portland: DNP, 3 – 5. (.350, .409, .600; 3.7 ip, 7 er).  Both of these extreme lines are muted by there not having been a game yesterday, and by their small size (only 22 plate appearances for the hitters).  This might be annoying to people like Corey Dickerson (3 for 4 with a double and a walk) and Yasiel Puig (2 for 4 with a homer).  But for someone like Adam Conley, responsible for that entire near-chulk, it’s probably a grace that his team gets to pay his bill in installments.

Old Detroit: “L”, 4 – 1.  (.240, .269, .360;  8.3 ip, 3 er).  Matt Moore didn’t chulk (5.3 ip, 3 er)! He’s got his May ERA all the way down to 12.46.  And Alex Wood pitched 5 scoreless innings!  We had forgotten what that looks like. The database insisting on camouflaging what happened as a loss, but we Wolverines still know a win when we smell one.

DC:  L, 4 – 10. (.235, .235, .294;  0 pitching).  Ouch. You go a day without pitching, you get saddled with 10 runs.  Although I should say, part of this comes from the sudden inclusion of Joe Musgrove’s pitching stats.  He was hiding on the roster under the pseudonym “Joseph Musgrove,” successfully disguising his disgusting numbers. Until I cleverly spotted him this morning, changed his name on our records to “Joe”, and resubmitted the numbers. (What’s so clever about seeing something right in front of you? Well, you have to consider the context. I’m talking about a Commissioner so dense he didn’t spot the clue for the first 8 days of the month.  Seeing something right in front of his nose counts as “clever” for our Commissioner and Wolverines owner.)

Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017