The Dragons Stalk the Cheese, The Dragons Stalk the Cheese, Hi-ho the Dairy-O, the Dragons Stalk the Cheese

If I were a Cheese, I’d be in a panic right now. Suddenly the two most dangerous teams in the EFL are right THERE, in second and third place, in the midst of an inexorable climb through the standings.

They were SUPPOSED to struggle this year, They were  SUPPOSED to be rebuilding. And they WERE struggling and rebuilding.

But that was April. This is May.  They’re done struggling and rebuilding now.

EFL Standings for 2017

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Cottage:  “W”, 2 – 2.  (.147, .256, .441; 22.3 ip, 8 er).  You should have listened to your parents. Don’t do drugs! Or whatever it was you were doing when you contracted wolveritis.  It is a nasty disease, in my experience, more likely to worsen than to get better, until the patient is hopelessly dead. Here’s the most alarming thing about your case: you produce wolveritic batting lines even though Aaron Hicks replicated Mike Trout’s 1.833 daily OPS — and was supported by 1.000+ OPS days from Bryce Harper and Jonathan Schoop.

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Haviland: W, 4 – 0. (.231, .259, .462; 17 ip, 3 er). It wasn’t a typically dynamic Dragon day at the plate yesterday, but the pitching more than made up for it.  Ervin Santana, added almost as an afterthought at the end of the free agent draft, turned in 9 sparkling shutout innings, and Tyler Glasnow turned in a fine 6 ip, 2 er outing.  I have had my 2017 Dragon skepticism beaten out of me.

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Pittsburgh: W, 3 – 1.  (.244, .320, .356;  10 ip, 1 er).  Ditto my Allegheny skepticism. Lance Lynn almost beat Clayton Kershaw yesterday, going 8 innings and allowing only 1 earned run.   The A’s have matched the Dragons’ ascent step for step all along the way.  It almost looks like Pittsburgh is using Haviland as its stalking horse.  Hmmm.  What exactly is a stalking horse?  And it would have to be a stalking dragon in this case…

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Kaline: L, 6 – 16. (.262, .354, .571; 1.7 ip, 7 er).  Jhoulys Chacin Royally Chulked: 0.7 ip, 7 er. All that beautiful offense — 48 plate appearances worth!  Enough to fuel the Drive and any of the mammalian roadkill you might find along the road… all wasted by an ill-timed Royal Chulk. And so the Drive are fallen. At least for now…

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Flint Hill: L, ?? – ??.  (.286, .342, .371;  9.7 ip, 6 er).  Yes, that line probably produces a loss, thanks to a regular old chulk from Jesse Hahn (2 ip, 5 er). But one never knows!  I apparently have broken the internet, because Dave’s database reported no runs scored or runs against figures, but still computed what looks like an accurate won-lost record, etc..

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Portland:  DNP, 9 – 7.  (.296, .367, .741; 18 ip, 10 er). A whole lot of scoring for an off-day,  Anthony Rendon victimized the latest sacrificial lamb the M’s put on the mound: 3 for 4 with a double and two homers. An M’s starting pitcher has chulked now in three straight games

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May 20:  Gallardo — 3.7 ip, 9 er

May 21:  Heston — 3 ip,  6 er

May 22:  Off day — God is merciful

May 23: Bergman —  4 ip, 10 er

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This raises some questions for me:

1. What is the MLB record is for most consecutive starting pitcher chulks?

2. Does anyone recall an the EFL team suffering three straight starting pitcher chulks?

3.  Would you want to be Sam Gaviglio — today’s M’s starting pitcher — making your second career start today against the Nationals?   Well, sure, if it meant being 27 years old and a reasonable facsimile of a major league athlete, yes, I’d take it even if it meant enduring a Royal Chulk.  But what if you were already 27 and an excellent athlete: then would you want to be Sam Gaviglio?

4.  What will be left of the Mariners when their real pitchers are back on the mound?  I want to know, because the W’s are pretty much in the same boat…

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Peshastin:  L, 7 – 8. ( .255, .327, .511;  12.3 ip, 12 er). Crummy pitching by both Carlos Carrasco and Zach Eflin spoiled the Pears on the day their owner returned to the office from his European vacation. Various Pear hitters pummeled opposing pitchers, but couldn’t secure the win because of the poor Pear pitching performance. We will all be eagerly watching to see what hands-on management can do to salvage the sagging Pears.

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Canberra:  “L”, 6 – 5.  (.256, .304, .581; 8.7 ip, 4 er). Michael Conforto blasted two homers to go with a single and a hit by pitch in 5 plate appearances to key the Kangaroo offense.  But Rick Porcello couldn’t hold the lead — or at least, couldn’t hold it by a big enough margin to save the win.

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Old Detroit: L, 1 – 8. (.133, .188, .267;  o ip).  The Wolverines didn’t even bother sending a real pitcher to the mound.  This might be the Mariners’ next ploy if Gaviglio chulks. Kyle Scwarber hit a homer and then promptly resumed striking out. Josh Bell doubled and walked… that’s about all I can say about the Woeverines.

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DC: W, 6 – 5.  (.333, .436, .467;  3 ip, 0 er).  At least we conclude with a cheerier note: the Balk getting a nice win.  Andrew Benintendi approached perfection with two singles and two walks in 5 plate appearances.

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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017