My agenda for this beautiful but chilly day is simple: Grade my brains out.
I have a couple other tasks on the to-do list, but they are mere trifles. My job today is to grade until my brain falls out.
So, still in possession of my brain, I was capable this morning of realizing I needed to do my EFL update early while I still had my brain. This is on the assumption, easily rebuttable, that I need a brain to do an EFL update. Or that I’ve had a functioning brain at all the last few months.
EFL Standings for 2018
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Kaline Drive | 13 | 8 | .621 | — | 98.6 | 77.1 |
| Cottage Cheese | 12 | 8 | .590 | 0.7 | 106.9 | 89.0 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 11 | 8 | .593 | 0.8 | 95.1 | 78.8 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 11 | 8 | .565 | 1.3 | 80.3 | 70.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 11 | 8 | .557 | 1.5 | 86.9 | 77.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 10 | 9 | .528 | 2 | 74.4 | 70.3 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 10 | .502 | 2.5 | 105.7 | 105.3 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 7 | 7 | .479 | 2.8 | 73.6 | 76.7 |
| Haviland Dragons | 10 | 11 | .461 | 3.3 | 91.9 | 99.3 |
| D.C. Balk | 8 | 11 | .418 | 4.1 | 67.0 | 79.0 |
| Peshastin Pears | 7 | 12 | .348 | 5.4 | 81.4 | 111.5 |
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Kaline: W 1, L 1; 9 – 7. (.275, .327, .353; 9 ip, 2 er) The Drive put up 55 plate appearances, almost enough to cover the double header, but came up short on the mound. So they (possibly temporarily) drew on 4 replacement innings to cover the last part of the nightcap for their double-header. Jorge Soler* led the offense with a homer and two walks in four trips to the plate.
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* Note: Pink asterisks will mark evidence that my brain has been missing for months. In this case, the evidence is Jorge Soler’s presence on the Drive roster, thanks to a generous donation from the Demented Wolverine Charitable Trust.
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Cottage: W, 12 – 4. (.333, .463, .758 — happy Bonds On Steroids Day!; 6.7 ip 2 er). Mike Trout homered, walked, and singled in 4 plate appearances to lead the Cheesy offense and fuel a big, standings-busting win.
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Canberra: “L”, 3 – 3. (.212, .325, .242; 4.7 ip, 1 er). The Kangaroos continued their gradual, gentle descent in the standings. Very unRooly, isn’t it, for a species that likes to bound around? Also kind of lucky in this case. Daniel Norris pitched 4.7 innings. He walked 3 and surrendered 3 hits, including a homer, for a 5.72 FIP. But he gave up the home run in one of the scarce moments when no one was on base. The Captain Kangaroo once suggested to me that we use FIP instead of ERA to calculate a pitcher’s effect on the game. I have never brought that idea forward to the league because… I don’t know why.* Laziness, probably, but maybe also a tinge of wanting to use the more accessible ERA, which we can all calculate in our heads whereas I, for one, do not know the formula for FIP.* I suppose this makes me a FIPstick in the mud. But perhaps the Captain is consoled today by the inattentiveness of his Commissioner.
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Flint Hill: W, 5 – 1. (.174, .321, .478; 20.3 ip, 8 er). The other day I somehow didn’t update the Tornados’ offense,* even though I did update their pitching (and all the other teams’ stats). The Thunderhead (you know, the top level of a tornado) called me out on it, and I meekly fixed the problem. Which, it turns out, was a good thing, as it fueled the Tornado’s rampage through the standings, tossing teams in their way hither and yon. That, and Tyson Ross’s near perfecto last night, which ended up being 7.7 ip, 1 er. I guess that gamble — investing in the just-off-the DL Ross — has begun paying off already.
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Portland: W, 3 – 2. (.213, .300, .508; 15 ip, 7 er). Carlos Correa’s two home runs (plus a single in 5 plate appearances) salvaged the game for the Rosebuds. Jacoby Jones came within a single of a cycle; his walk-off homer sealed the win. Jon Gray had put the T’s behind with is 9.00 ERA across 5 ip; Chris Archer and two relievers cleaned up after Gray with 10 innings, 2 earned runs.
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Old Detroit: L, 5 – 6. (.245, .302, .367; 13.3 ip, 9 er). Last January I changed my Rule 5 protected list at almost the last minute, protecting Andrew Heaney* and exposing Dylan Cease.* I regretted it when Cease got stolen by the Cheese. When Heaney was activated by the Angels, I read several warnings from fantasy advisers not to activate him until he had proven he was up to handling MLB hitters. I ignored them*, and activated Heaney to the max (57%). Yesterday Heaney got through 4.3 innings, enabling opposing hitters to score 7 earned runs: 2 walk, 6 hits (3 of them home runs). Fortunately, that’s only about 2.3 ip, 4 earned runs for the Wolverines, who got 9 other innings, 2 earned runs from three other pitchers for a total of 11.3 ip, 6 er, which is not great but not devastating.
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Brookland: W, 9 – 6. (.286, .390, .514; 2 ip, 0 er). Ex-Wolverines Manny Machado and Gregory Polanco* led the Outs to a ton of runs Friday, combining to go 3 for 6 with a double, a homer and two walks. Miguel Andujar, Aaron Hicks and Jose Martinez also OPSed over 1.000. These heroics pulled the Outs just barely back above .500, as they continue their quest to finish with a winning record as an expansion team. The only other teams to have done that are (I believe without looking it up*) the Wolverines, the Alleghenys, and the Dragons… the three teams who have won EFL championships.
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Pittsburgh: L, 3 – 13. (.245, .255, .347; 17 ip, 16 er). Ouch. That pitching really hurts. The Alleghenys sent three starters to the mound (Lynn, Graveman, and Estrada). They completed 6, 5 and 5 innings, respectively. They surrendered 5, 6, and 5 earned runs for daily ERA’s of 7.50 (exactly replacement level), 9.00 and 10.80. Joe Jimenez relieved, getting the win for the MLB Tigers on Jacoby Jones’ walk off blast — but in EFL reality, there was no win here to be gotten. Not even close.
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Haviland: W 0, L 2; 3 – 12. (.129, .206, .194; 8 ip, 4 er). Caught a little short on the mound by the unexpected double header, the Dragons had to absorb at least 6 innings of replacement pitching. Haviland is running about 24 innings of replacement pitching so far this month.
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DC: W, 2 – 1. (.261, .306, .304; 10.3 ip, 2 er). Dylan Bundy went 6 innings, striking out 9 and allowing only 1 earned run. Three relievers produced 4.3 more innings, with only 1 additional earned run. Eduardo Nunez rose above his teammates’ langorous attitude toward hitting by going 3 for 4 with a double to help his team eke out the 2 runs needed for a win.
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Peshastin: W, 9 – 7 (.342, .419, 658 — happy Edgar Day!; 6.7 ip 4 er). Mitch Haniger led the Pears (and the Mariners) to victory with his homer, double, single, and walk in 5 trips to the plate Friday. Javier Baez joined in, going 4 for 6 with a homer and a double of his own. The Pears needed the pair because Brandon Finnegan only managed to get through 3 innings while surrendering 4 earned runs on 5 hits and 4 walks. Finnegan is not rewarding the Pears’ extreme patience with his history of injuries any more than Heaney is rewarding the Wolverines for similar patience.
There is probably a lesson here. *
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Boston Red Sox | 17 | 2 | .895 | — |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 13 | 6 | .684 | 4 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 11 | 8 | .565 | 6.3 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 10 | 9 | .528 | 7 |
| New York Yankees | 9 | 9 | .500 | 7.5 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 6 | 13 | .316 | 11 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 6 | 14 | .300 | 11.5 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| New York Mets | 14 | 5 | .737 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 12 | 7 | .632 | 2 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 11 | 8 | .593 | 2.7 |
| Atlanta Braves | 11 | 8 | .579 | 3 |
| Washington Nationals | 10 | 10 | .500 | 4.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 8 | 11 | .418 | 6.1 |
| Miami Marlins | 5 | 14 | .263 | 9 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Minnesota Twins | 8 | 6 | .571 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 9 | 8 | .529 | 0.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 7 | 7 | .479 | 1.3 |
| Detroit Tigers | 8 | 10 | .444 | 2 |
| Chicago White Sox | 4 | 12 | .250 | 5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 4 | 14 | .222 | 6 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 12 | 8 | .600 | — |
| Cottage Cheese | 12 | 8 | .590 | 0.2 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 11 | 8 | .579 | 0.5 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 12 | 9 | .571 | 0.5 |
| Chicago Cubs | 9 | 8 | .529 | 1.5 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 10 | .502 | 2 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 3 | 16 | .158 | 8.5 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 14 | 7 | .667 | — |
| Los Angeles Angels | 13 | 7 | .650 | 0.5 |
| Kaline Drive | 13 | 8 | .621 | 1 |
| Seattle Mariners | 10 | 8 | .556 | 2.5 |
| Haviland Dragons | 10 | 11 | .461 | 4.3 |
| Oakland A’s | 9 | 11 | .450 | 4.5 |
| Texas Rangers | 7 | 14 | .333 | 7 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 13 | 6 | .684 | — |
| Portland Rosebuds | 11 | 8 | .557 | 2.4 |
| Colorado Rockies | 11 | 10 | .524 | 3 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 8 | 10 | .444 | 4.5 |
| San Francisco Giants | 8 | 11 | .421 | 5 |
| San Diego Padres | 8 | 13 | .381 | 6 |
| Peshastin Pears | 7 | 12 | .348 | 6.4 |