My policy on roster deadlines has been to give people at least a full 24-hour cycle after the allocation page is ready to play with their allocations and maybe even make an emergency last-minute deal if they realize they have left themselves without a backup catcher or something. But this month that left me with extra time to fret over the awful blunders I had made at the draft.
This was not good. Right at the end of the draft I came down with a severe case of Barreto Fever, fixated for some reason on the Outs’ rejected infield prospect. I nearly drafted him Monday, right after the Outs let him go, with only 4 owners left in the room. I shook myself out of that delirium just in time. But having extra time to brood Tuesday sent me into a relapse. I threw two or three wild Barreto trade ideas at the Outs, who took them with aplomb and, to their credit, did not take advantage of me before my fever finally broke and I moved on.
Similarly, the Rosebuds tolerated another outbreak of Gleyberitis, in which I conjured insane ideas (including 4 2/3 years of Rafael Devers for 4 months of Gleyber Torres straight up) that could have crippled the Wolverines for years. The Rosebuds calmly talked me down off the ledge.
It reminds me of my life-threatening bout of Milleria few years ago, when I pestered the Drive for Brad Miller based on a persistent delusion that Miller would deliver a championship or two to Old Detroit. That bit of possession didn’t end until the Wizard kindly told me I should forget about Miller because he wasn’t as good as I seemed to think he was. What compassion! What discernment! What mercy! The Wizard could have taken the Wolverines to the cleaners and sent them away naked. But instead he gently counseled me to get a grip.
What a wonderful league this is, where one can always depend on the kindness of rivals.
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EFL Standings for 2018
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
RS |
RA |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
37 |
25 |
.590 |
— |
265.0 |
219.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
35 |
25 |
.581 |
0.8 |
264.3 |
224.0 |
| Portland Rosebuds |
35 |
26 |
.578 |
0.9 |
292.5 |
247.6 |
| Brookland Outs |
35 |
27 |
.568 |
1.4 |
336.6 |
293.2 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
33 |
29 |
.530 |
3.7 |
260.2 |
244.9 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
30 |
30 |
.508 |
5.1 |
315.9 |
317.7 |
| Cottage Cheese |
31 |
31 |
.506 |
5.3 |
313.6 |
309.8 |
| Haviland Dragons |
30 |
31 |
.491 |
6.2 |
262.8 |
271.9 |
| Kaline Drive |
30 |
31 |
.485 |
6.5 |
265.7 |
274.4 |
| D.C. Balk |
25 |
35 |
.423 |
10.2 |
240.4 |
281.1 |
| Peshastin Pears |
26 |
35 |
.420 |
10.5 |
253.3 |
299.9 |
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Old Detroit: W 4, L 1; 28 – 15. (June: .252, .321, .463; 62.3 ip, 28 er.) (Wednesday: .421, .488, .737; 5 ip, 1 er). The Wolverines are thankful for the chance to sequester some bad performances so as the team could temporarily look much better than it really is, and could bask in the first place sunshine for a day or two.
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Canberra: W 2, L 2; 12 – 11. (June: .215, .288, .328; 45 ip, 13 er). (Wednesday: .297, .409, .378; 9.7 ip 7 er) Warmed by the compassion of the Rosebuds and the Outs, I decided to pay it forward and bless the Kangaroos Wednesday afternoon. I knew the Captain Kangaroo was probably busy at the office, so didn’t have a chance to listen to the Giants/D-backs game. So I sent him a text to help him keep up with the action, involving a key play by a very recent Kangaroo:
Me: (5:47 pm)
Jon Miller: “People are screaming, clapping their hands, hitting their foreheads with their hands. An astonishing moment… and ____ continues to be one of the great surprises of the season…”
Guess whose name goes in the blank. Guess why.
Ryan: (5:48 pm)
Alen Hanson. Hit a game-tying Homer and his OPS is over 1.000.
Me: (5:48 pm)
Wow. You’re good at this trivia stuff. Though you did fail to mention he was pinch hitting with 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth.
See what I mean about the kindness of rivals? The Kangaroos DFA’d Hanson just before the season started, and 8 teams passed on him on the waiver wire Monday evening, so the Wolverines could claim him to help patch their leak at second base.
Now I have a chance to send some more kindness back the Kangaroos’ way. You know how people who move away promise to keep in touch, and then forget to? Well, I intend to make sure the ‘Roos never lose track of Alen Hanson.
.
Portland: W 3, L 2; 34 – 22. (June: .283, .347, .482; 49.3 ip, 22 er )(Wednesday: .302, .362, .509; 16.3 ip, 3 er). Maybe you don’t believe me about how kind the Rosebuds were over the loooong weekend. Consider this: Gleyber Torres in June so far is 4 for 23 with a .174, .240, ,348 batting line. Portland might have been able to bilk Old Detroit of every drop of Rafael Devers’ value over 5 years in exchange for Kolten Wong’s clone (Wong’s June batting line: .183, .278, .310).
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Brookland: W 3, L 2; 47 – 38. (June: .311, .395, .606 )(Wednesday: .343, .467, .629; 12 ip, 6 er) The Outs picked up three pitchers during the switch to June. Let’s see how they’ve done so far this month:
Jordan Lyles: 4.3 ip, 8 er.
Charlie Morton: 5.3 ip, 6 er
Caleb Smith: 4 ip, 5 er.
The Outs have seven hitters OPSing over 1.000 in June. The whole TEAM is OPSing over 1.000 (1.001, to be exact). Brookland knew the rest of us couldn’t bear it if we woke up to June with the Outs suddenly way out in front. So they did the only thing they could do to ease our pain: scramble for pitchers who could put a damper on the Outs’ insurgence.
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Flint Hill: W 4, L 1; 22 – 15. (June: .226, .318, .415; 52 ip, 15 er )(Wednesday: .262 .354, .452; 13.3 ip, 0 er) Sonny Gray pitched 8 shutout innings to lead the Tornados to a resounding win on Wednesday. He had already pitched a 6 ip, 1 er gem on June 1, one of the few EFL pitchers to start two games already this month.
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Pittsburgh: W 3, L 2; 22 – 12. (June: .249, .303, .411; 51 ip, 15 er )(Wednesday: .243, .300 , .405; 5.3 ip, 4 er) The Alleghenys apparently took a loss Wednesday, probably so as not to alarm the rest of the league too much when these first results came out. Even after that bit of self-effacement, the A’s leapt two places in the standings while we weren’t watching. To a league with our long and repeated experience of Allegheny juggernauts, this gesture to take the edge off their resurgence so as not to trigger our anxieties too badly is deeply appreciated.
.
Cottage: W 3, L 2; 21 – 15. (June: .252, .320, .465; 41.3 ip, 11 er )(Wednesday: .185, .333, .222; 3.3 ip, 2 er ) Here’s another team tempering its June performance on Wednesday, presumably for the sake of the rest of us. I mean, Mike Trout is only batting .391, .440, .652 this month so far. That 1.102 OPS is actually down a bit from his 1.106 season record. And Danny Duffy, the second-highest paid Cheese, allowed 4 earned runs in his 5 innings pitched the other day.
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Haviland: W 2, L 1; 9 – 4. (June: .194, .269, .333; 51 ip, 7 er) (Wednesday: (.192, .263, .327; 9 ip, 2 er ) I love how the Tornados, when they brought up Clay Buchholz in the draft, moaned they were “going down a long lonely road.” So the Dragons kept them company, and ended up stuck with Buchholz — who just pitched a fine 6 ip, 2 er game. To go with the 7 ip, 1 er game he pitched on June 1. Such a moving display of compassion for rivals. First, Jamie trying to warn us off from drafting the dicey Buchholz, and then John rescuing his son from the same folly.
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Kaline: W 1, L 2; 12 – 16. (June: .225, .310, .372; 43.7 ip, 23 er )(Wednesday: .265, .357, .449; 8.7 ip, 9 er ) Ow. Chase Anderson and Trevor Williams combined Wednesday to surrender 7 er in 7.3 innings. Then Brandon Morrow came in for “relief”: 0.3 ip, 2 er. The Drive’s raw team June ERA ballooned from 3.60 to 4.74. Alas. We’ve all been there, or somewhere near it.
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DC: W 1, L 3; 18 – 21. (June: .244, .302, .418; 43.7 ip, 24 er )(Wednesday: .205, .273, .487; 18 ip, 7 er) Dylan Bundy’s 7 shutout innings helped make up for Daniel Mengden’s 4 ip, 6 er meltdown Wednesday. Addison Russell is off to a good start in June, going .385, .429, .462 so far. If he keeps this up he’s going to turn into another infielder for the Wolverines to go gaga over. Please treat us humanely when the fit comes over us.
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Peshastin: W 3, L 2; 18 – 16. (June: .213, .288, .396; 39 ip, 12 er )(Wednesday: .324, .351, .618; 9 ip, 4 er). Oooh. The Wolverines fretted for hours last February over whether to take Walker Buehler or Luiz Gohara in the first round of the rookie draft. We took Buehler, but it was very close. Well, Gohara has managed only 0.7 innings while giving up 6 earned runs so far this month. That’s a nonuple chulk. And yet the Pear raw June team ERA is only 2.77!! That’s because James Taillon (8 ip), Tyler Skaggs (6 ip), and four relievers have combined to hurl a total of 21.3 earned-run-free innings.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Boston Red Sox |
43 |
19 |
.694 |
— |
| New York Yankees |
40 |
18 |
.690 |
1 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
37 |
25 |
.590 |
6.4 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
33 |
29 |
.530 |
10.1 |
| Tampa Bay Rays |
28 |
32 |
.467 |
14 |
| Toronto Blue Jays |
26 |
35 |
.426 |
16.5 |
| Baltimore Orioles |
19 |
41 |
.317 |
23 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Washington Nationals |
35 |
25 |
.583 |
— |
| Atlanta Braves |
36 |
26 |
.581 |
— |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
35 |
25 |
.581 |
0.2 |
| Philadelphia Phillies |
32 |
27 |
.542 |
2.5 |
| New York Mets |
27 |
32 |
.458 |
7.5 |
| D.C. Balk |
25 |
35 |
.423 |
9.6 |
| Miami Marlins |
22 |
39 |
.361 |
13.5 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Cleveland Indians |
32 |
28 |
.533 |
— |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
30 |
30 |
.508 |
1.5 |
| Detroit Tigers |
29 |
34 |
.460 |
4.5 |
| Minnesota Twins |
25 |
32 |
.439 |
5.5 |
| Chicago White Sox |
20 |
39 |
.339 |
11.5 |
| Kansas City Royals |
21 |
41 |
.339 |
12 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers |
37 |
25 |
.597 |
— |
| Chicago Cubs |
34 |
24 |
.586 |
1 |
| Brookland Outs |
35 |
27 |
.568 |
1.8 |
| St. Louis Cardinals |
32 |
27 |
.542 |
3.5 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates |
31 |
30 |
.508 |
5.5 |
| Cottage Cheese |
31 |
31 |
.506 |
5.7 |
| Cincinnati Reds |
21 |
41 |
.339 |
16 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Seattle Mariners |
38 |
23 |
.623 |
— |
| Houston Astros |
38 |
25 |
.603 |
1 |
| Los Angeles Angels |
35 |
28 |
.556 |
4 |
| Oakland A’s |
31 |
31 |
.500 |
7.5 |
| Haviland Dragons |
30 |
31 |
.491 |
8.1 |
| Kaline Drive |
30 |
31 |
.485 |
8.4 |
| Texas Rangers |
27 |
37 |
.422 |
12.5 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Portland Rosebuds |
35 |
26 |
.578 |
— |
| Arizona Diamondbacks |
32 |
29 |
.525 |
3.3 |
| Colorado Rockies |
32 |
29 |
.525 |
3.3 |
| San Francisco Giants |
31 |
31 |
.500 |
4.8 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers |
30 |
31 |
.492 |
5.3 |
| San Diego Padres |
29 |
35 |
.453 |
7.8 |
| Peshastin Pears |
26 |
35 |
.420 |
9.6 |
