A catalog of annoyances

EFL
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB	RS	RA
Portland Rosebuds	38	26	.591	—	315.2	257.6
Old Detroit Wolverines	36	25	.588	0.4	261.1	217.0
Brookland Outs	38	27	.583	0.4	359.0	299.4
Canberra Kangaroos	37	26	.581	0.7	277.7	235.8
Flint Hill Tornadoes	33	28	.534	3.7	258.2	240.2
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	32	31	.503	5.6	327.6	331.1
Cottage Cheese	33	32	.503	5.6	320.3	318.3
Kaline Drive	32	33	.497	6	286.5	288.7
Haviland Dragons	31	34	.470	7.7	279.2	296.2
D.C. Balk	27	36	.421	10.8	257.1	302.2
Peshastin Pears	26	38	.413	11.4	262.0	313.4

Portland: W, 5 – 4. (.227, .277, .455; 1 ip, 0 er) Paul Goldschmidt should just go back to sleep. He went 2 for 4 with a double, a triple, and a walk to lead the Rosebuds to another annoying win.  Goldschmidt’s OPS for June is now 1.710.  In May he OPSed .531.  What was wrong with that, Paul? You were allowing other players to have some limelight.  Don’t go all LeBron James on us, Goldschmidt. Don’t become some kind of attention-sucking primadonna.  Look what happened to the Cavs. Back off a little.  Let someone else have a chance to shine.

Old Detroit: W, 5 – 3. (.233, .410, .333; 25 ip, 7 er).  Let’s see, what would be annoying here.   How about this: just when opposing pitchers hold the W’s to a mostly empty .233 batting average, the W’s uncork nine walks to fuel enough offense for a win. No, wait! Here’s something even more annoying: Max Muncy was there for anyone to take.  The league let the Wolverines have him.  So far in his first 10 days in Old Detroit, Muncy is batting 10 for 27 with a double, 5 homers, and 9 walks: .370, .528, .953, 1.491 OPS.  The W’s are still in a wild four-way battle for worst EFL offense, but Muncy and Alen Hanson (1.500 OPS in 14 June plate appearances) are trying to fix that.

Brookland: W, 3 – 2. (.216, .310 .378;  10.7 ip, 2 er).  The annoying thing about the Outs is obvious: they are in the midst of our four-team pileup atop the standings. They are up way past their expansion-team bed time and will not obey orders to get back in there and go to sleep! Also, Derek Holland was supposed to be washed up, useless since his long-ago Wolverine days. He went 5 scoreless innings yesterday. Grrr.

Canberra: W, 5 – 2. (.229, .378, .457; 12 ip, 3 er). Corey Kluber dominated again Sunday (8 ip, 2 er). He always dominates, so we’re used to it by now.  Although I would like to point out he started off very rocky last season, one of the reasons the Wolverines’ 2017 season collapsed.  Kluber just started being good again in June of 2017.  He’s going to be good all season for the Kangaroos, of course. Also: what’s with Billy Hamilton and Ehire Adrianza both going 1 for 3 with a triple and a walk. Neither one is supposed to carry a team with a 1.500 daily OPS — and without a single stolen base.

Flint Hill: W, 5 – 3. (.302, .348, .302; 2.7 ip, 2 er).  Here’s something annoying:  the other day I invited the Dragons to join the scrum atop the league, making it a 5-way battle royale.  They rejected the invitation.  I suspect they think they’d be coming down in the world to be seen in public wrangling with the kid brother,  the old washed up ex-Triumvir, the expansion team and the youngest player in the league.  So Flint Hill stands off a consistent 3.7 games out, acting as if 5th place was first place in the Respectable Division of the league.

Pittsburgh: L, 1 – 4. (.196, .229, .239; 11 ip, 4 er).  Have you ever had a recurring bad dream, either identical every time or a variation on an all-too-familiar theme?  The kind that would leave you awake and troubled at night, unable to go back to sleep? And exasperated: why oh why do I keep having to have that same dream over and over?  Yeah, well, welcome to the EFL, where even when Pittsburgh seems to be stuck in the pivot point of 6th place, you still can’t shake that feeling that there really are monsters under the bed. Oh, and don’t look now, but Jose Altuve is baaaack: 2 for 4 with a double and a walk Sunday; .371, .421, .486 for June; .408, .442, .592 since May 15.

Cottage: L, 2 – 5. (.167, .265, .267; 14.3 ip, 6 er). And how are we supposed to compete with Mike Trout, maybe the all-time greatest.  You can’t get another all-time greatest to match up with him.  It’s hopeless… well, yes, I am aware he went 0 for 5 yesterday. Sure, that is kind of sweet.  And it is some consolation that the Cheese are paying Trout $25,000,000 a year, which is 40.8% more than the second-highest-paid player in EFL history (Manny  Machado, of the Brookland Outs.) But that just proves Trout’s two-way greatness: as a giant chafing point for his own team, and a major pain in the rear to the rest of the EFL.

Kaline: W, 9 – 4. (.375, .405, .800; 7 ip, 3 er). Doggone it, the Drive have a good team this year.  It should be putting out days like this all the time.  They should be in the scrum atop the league. They got homers Sunday from people like Mike Zunino and Leonys Martin. James Paxton struck out 10 in 7 innings for the win. Their alter ego in the American League — the Mariners — still have the third best record in baseball. The M’s were not supposed to be better than the Drive! But Kris Bryant went 0 for 4 again, and Aaron Judge is OPSing .652 in June.  Come on, EFL Fates, do some justice for the Drive for once. (Sure, I realize Aaron Judge is a Yankee, and thus deserves whatever he gets.  I’m just asking for the Fates to remember the Wizard for once.

Haviland: L, 1 – 9. (.150, .227 , .175;  9.7 ip, 10 er).  Woah. The Dragons had an awful day Sunday. Young starter studs Carlos Martinez and Sean Newcomb combined for 9 ip, 10 er.  Cozart, Adrian Gonzalez, Harper (!), Puig, Rosario, Sanchez and Sano combined to go 0 for 26 with no walks, essentially combining to suffer their own perfect game — oh, except Cozart got hit by a pitch — but Sanchez grounded into a double play, making it 27 up, 27  down for a thoroughgoing no hitter.  But never mind. All that might be annoying to Dragons fans. But what did the Dragons do to annoy the EFL? Hmmm.  I can’t think of anything.  Which I suppose is a little bit annoying, but not really in the ways we are thinking about this time.

DC: L, 6 – 14. (.325, .357, .450; 3.7 ip, 9 er). Ouch. Alex Cobb nearly triple chulked, tossing away a fine offensive performance by the Balk. Cobb’s June ERA is now 9.31, just a hair worse than Jarlin Garcia’s 9.31.  But neither one of them can touch Daniel Mengden’s 13.50 June ERA, backed up by his 16.86 FIP.

Peshastin: “L”, 4 – 3. (.217, .217, .565; 11 ip, 4 er). Pear hurlers struck out 15 in their 11 innings, compiling a daily FIP of 2.37.  Offense was a little thin — only 25 plate appearances, redeemed in part by homers from Ozzie Albies and Trey Mancini.  Albies is an example of a recurring annoyance: debutants or rookies who start off incredibly hot (.988 OPS in April for Albies) then tail off (.738 in May, .442 in June) leaving you committed to a long-cooled chunk of lava at a key position.  These guys are the incredibly frustrating opposites on your own team of the intensely annoying Goldschmidts of the world — who are always on someone else’s team.

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AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
New York Yankees	42	19	.689	—
Boston Red Sox	44	22	.667	0.5
Old Detroit Wolverines	36	25	.588	6.1
Flint Hill Tornadoes	33	28	.534	9.4
Toronto Blue Jays	30	35	.462	14
Tampa Bay Rays	29	35	.453	14.5
Baltimore Orioles	19	45	.297	24.5

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Canberra Kangaroos	37	26	.581	—
Washington Nationals	36	27	.571	0.6
Atlanta Braves	37	28	.569	0.6
Philadelphia Phillies	33	30	.524	3.6
New York Mets	28	34	.452	8.1
D.C. Balk	27	36	.421	10.1
Miami Marlins	23	42	.354	14.6

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cleveland Indians	34	29	.540	—
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	32	31	.503	2.3
Detroit Tigers	31	36	.463	5
Minnesota Twins	28	34	.452	5.5
Chicago White Sox	22	41	.349	12
Kansas City Royals	22	44	.333	13.5

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Milwaukee Brewers	39	26	.600	—
Chicago Cubs	37	25	.597	0.5
Brookland Outs	38	27	.583	1.1
St. Louis Cardinals	35	28	.556	3
Cottage Cheese	33	32	.503	6.3
Pittsburgh Pirates	32	33	.492	7
Cincinnati Reds	23	43	.348	16.5

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Seattle Mariners	41	24	.631	—
Houston Astros	42	25	.627	—
Los Angeles Angels	37	29	.561	4.5
Oakland A’s	34	32	.515	7.5
Kaline Drive	32	33	.497	8.7
Haviland Dragons	31	34	.470	10.4
Texas Rangers	27	41	.397	15.5

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Portland Rosebuds	38	26	.591	—
Arizona Diamondbacks	35	29	.547	2.8
Los Angeles Dodgers	33	32	.508	5.3
San Francisco Giants	33	32	.508	5.3
Colorado Rockies	32	33	.492	6.3
San Diego Padres	31	36	.463	8.3
Peshastin Pears	26	38	.413	11.4