League Updates • Uncategorized

Eggs in the Mariner Omelet

June 12, 2018
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I have been enjoying the Mariners’ improbable tightwire act as they caught the clearly superior Astros, led them for a few days, fell back into the top side of a virtual tie, and still refused to take their inevitable fall back into the pack. Winning all those one-run games, bearding the Astros in their own den for a game, walk off homers, game saving throws to catch a man stealing, or a man trying to score on a bobble… it’s all been very exciting and entertaining.

I couldn’t muster much empathy for the Rays, Rangers, or whoever else saw the Mariners dashing their hopes. Pitchers ERA’s could skyrocket — not a drip of empathy from me.  Guys going 0 for 5 at the hands of some hitherto unheralded M’s starter?  Doesn’t hurt me any. Guys humiliated being caught stealing to end the game: that was Joey Wendle, and he’s the Drive’s problem.  Guys getting thrown out at home by fifteen feet to end the game — that was Johnny Field, and he’s not even in the EFL.

But after last night, those days of contented obliviousness to other people’s suffering at Seattle’s hands are over.

EFL Standings for 2018
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Portland Rosebuds 38 27 .587 — 320.8 264.9
Brookland Outs 37 26 .580 0.6 345.4 289.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 36 25 .582 0.7 260.7 220.1
Canberra Kangaroos 36 27 .570 1.3 277.2 240.0
Flint Hill Tornadoes 32 29 .532 3.7 256.4 240.6
Cottage Cheese 32 31 .506 5.3 316.3 312.4
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 32 32 .503 5.5 330.7 334.3
Kaline Drive 33 33 .496 5.9 288.4 291.2
Haviland Dragons 31 35 .468 7.8 281.6 299.9
D.C. Balk 27 36 .435 9.8 256.3 291.8
Peshastin Pears 27 38 .416 11.1 264.2 314.9
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Portland: L, 6 – 7. (.306, .324, .694; 4.3 ip, 5 er).  The Alleghenys (correction: Rosebuds) steered clear of the Mariners yesterday, having no Angels. But Mariner castoff Sam Gaviglio got beat up (3.3 ip, 5 er), presumably because whatever flaw that cost him his spot on the Mariners resurfaced while he faced the not-all-that mighty Tampa Bay Ray lineup. I tell you, the long arm of the Mariners reaches places you’d never imagine.
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Brookland: W (-1), L (-1);  (-14) – (-10). (.533, .588, 1.200; 8.3 ip, 7 er).  That batting line looks great but it only covers 17 plate appearances. That pitching line, on the other hand, looks deceptively good.  The best part of it was Jordan Lyles’ 6 ip, 4 er — but Lyles is 0% active. I don’t think the Mariners juggernaut affected the Outs… this time.
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Old Detroit: DNP, 0 – 3. (.207, .324, .310; 8.3 ip, 9 er)  The Mariners could have beaten the Angels without torching Andrew Heaney’s ERA.  Dan Vogelbach could have hit a game winning homer late, after Heaney pitched a brilliant 7 innings.  That kind of thing has happened before.  But not this time.  The M’s won, which I applaud, but it was at significant cost to the W’s: Heaney only completed 3 innings, surrendering all 5 of the Mariners’ earned runs. Two homers to Nelson Cruz, one to Ryon Healy: at least those guys don’t play for EFL rivals. Not even an appearance by Vogelbach. Somehow the Mariners have reached clear outside of standard reality MLB and imposed themselves on the EFL.  The Wolverines were eggs in the Mariner omelet.
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Canberra:  W (-1), L 1; 0 – 4. (.188, .235, .250; 5.7 ip, 7 er). After the first inning last night, Heaney and Wade LeBlanc had identical lines: 1 ip, 2 er.  But LeBlanc is ON the Mariners. This makes him immune to the Mariner juggernaut. So of course LeBlanc got through 4 more innings without giving up a run.  His ERA on the day was 3.60  — a lot better than Heaney’s 15.00.
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Flint Hill: W (-1), L 1; (-2) – 0. (.077, .077, .154;  2.3 ip, 0 er). The Tornados also avoided the Mariners Monday.  They did this by almost avoiding everyone altogether.  They sent four men to the plate for a total of 14 plate appearances, amassing one double and a sac fly. They sent two pitchers to the mound to cover 2.3 innings. I guess if you lay low enough you might escape the Mariners for a while.
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Cottage: W (-1), L (-1).  (-4) – (-6). (.278, .350, .611; no pitching).  The Cheese had a player in the Mariners’ path.  And indeed, he struck out pitiably. He also homered twice and was intentionally walked.  Who was this man of steel?  Mike Trout, of course. You will notice the crafty Cheese sent no one to the mound to face the Mariner lineup.
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Pittsburgh: L, 3 – 3. (.083, .154, .333; 6 ip, 4 er).  Only one pitcher — Tampa Bay Ray Ryan Yarbrough — took the mound. He survived, sort of, because he didn’t face anyone from Seattle. Also, “Yarbrough”starts with the word “Ray” written backward, and “Ryan” also has those same three letters in a different order.
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Kaline: “W”, 2 – 2. (.048, .160, .048;  6.7 ip. 1 er). No Drive was injured in the making of the Mariners’ win. The only Drive to appear in the game was Mariner Mike Zunino, whose day at the plate consisted of three strikeouts.
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Haviland: L, 2 – 3. (.125, .222, .313; 1 ip, 0 er). Zack Cozart went 0 for 4, mown down by Mariners. I guess.  Cozart is only batting .161, .188, .194 this month, appearing in 8 games and getting only 5 hits, so this is at least his third 0-fer of the month.
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DC: DNP,  (-1) – (-10). (.167, .333, .222; 22 ip, 2 er).  Balkan pitchers appeared in a swarm of super-effectiveness, super abundant for an off day. Dylan Bundy led the way  (8 ip, 0 er), along with Carlos Carrasco (7 ip, 0 er) and the always reliable Kyle Barraclough (1 ip, 0 er). None of them faced any Mariners.
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Peshastin:  W, 2 – 1. (.167, .250, .157;  9.3 ip. 2 er). Ryan Cook coughed up one of Mike Trout’s homers, so he wasn’t really the main mechanism in the Mariner machine. Mitch Haniger went 0 for 4, so he wasn’t critical to the Mariner machine, either.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
New York Yankees 42 19 .689 —
Boston Red Sox 45 22 .672 —
Old Detroit Wolverines 36 25 .582 6.5
Flint Hill Tornadoes 32 29 .532 9.6
Tampa Bay Rays 30 35 .462 14
Toronto Blue Jays 30 36 .455 14.5
Baltimore Orioles 19 46 .292 25
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 36 27 .571 —
Atlanta Braves 37 28 .569 —
Canberra Kangaroos 36 27 .570 0.1
Philadelphia Phillies 33 30 .524 3
New York Mets 28 34 .452 7.5
D.C. Balk 27 36 .435 8.6
Miami Marlins 24 42 .364 13.5
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cleveland Indians 35 29 .547 —
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 32 32 .503 2.8
Detroit Tigers 31 36 .463 5.5
Minnesota Twins 28 34 .452 6
Chicago White Sox 22 42 .344 13
Kansas City Royals 22 44 .333 14
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago Cubs 38 25 .603 —
Milwaukee Brewers 39 27 .591 0.5
Brookland Outs 37 26 .580 1.4
St. Louis Cardinals 36 28 .563 2.5
Cottage Cheese 32 31 .506 6.1
Pittsburgh Pirates 32 34 .485 7.5
Cincinnati Reds 23 43 .348 16.5
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Seattle Mariners 42 24 .636 —
Houston Astros 42 25 .627 0.5
Los Angeles Angels 37 30 .552 5.5
Oakland A’s 34 32 .515 8
Kaline Drive 33 33 .496 9.3
Haviland Dragons 31 35 .468 11.1
Texas Rangers 27 41 .397 16
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Portland Rosebuds 38 27 .587 —
Arizona Diamondbacks 36 29 .554 2.2
Los Angeles Dodgers 33 32 .508 5.2
San Francisco Giants 33 33 .500 5.7
Colorado Rockies 32 33 .492 6.2
San Diego Padres 31 37 .456 8.7
Peshastin Pears 27 38 .416 11.1

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  • Why do you keep calling the Portland team “Alleghenys?” Is it because they’re in first place?

    If I was the Rosebuds’ owner, I’d be miffed.

  • Ok, in an effort to demiffedify the situation, I have included a correction. I left my initial error visible there for two reasons:
    1. I don’t want people thinking Dave has gone completely bonkers.
    2. To issue a timely warning: if you camp in first place more than a day or two, people will start to subconsciously think of you as junior Alleghenys, or at least junior Allegheny wannabees. Carefully think through the consequences before you take a risk like that.