There were four massive blow-outs in MLB Saturday. Houston beat the lowly White Sox 12 – 6, Boston clobbered the sad Royals 15 – 4, Washington filleted the sinking Marlins 18 – 4, and the Diamondbacks mangled the Padres 20 – 5. There was another one Friday, the Phillies blasting the Pirates, 17 – 5.
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When an EFL owner sees carnage like that, two considerations leap to mind: I hope none of my pitchers were mutilated! I hope some of my hitters got in on the mutilating!
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So let’s see who got whose hopes fulfilled.
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(Note: The stats are for the last two days, except where noted.)
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EFL Standings for 2018
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Portland Rosebuds | 57 | 33 | .629 | — | 476.7 | 357.9 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 54 | 36 | .603 | 2.3 | 413.5 | 332.6 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 51 | 35 | .593 | 3.6 | 388.9 | 323.8 |
| Brookland Outs | 49 | 40 | .546 | 7.5 | 465.4 | 426.2 |
| Cottage Cheese | 48 | 41 | .542 | 7.8 | 441.7 | 406.7 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 47 | 43 | .526 | 9.3 | 385.8 | 363.0 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 45 | 42 | .518 | 10 | 465.4 | 452.1 |
| Kaline Drive | 43 | 48 | .475 | 13.8 | 388.3 | 409.0 |
| Peshastin Pears | 42 | 48 | .463 | 14.9 | 388.6 | 421.5 |
| Haviland Dragons | 42 | 49 | .458 | 15.4 | 387.1 | 425.0 |
| D.C. Balk | 36 | 50 | .424 | 18.1 | 365.3 | 425.7 |
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Portland: W 3, L 1; 28 – 16. (93 PA, .244, .333, .427; 32 ip, 14 er, 3.94 ERA). Here’s a heart-warming image for you: the Rosebud Gardener sees the Nats’ 18 – 4 win, goes to the boxscore and eagerly scans it for news of Anthony Rendon’s exploits. Only 1 for 4 with a double… Then he sees the Royals’ humiliating defenestration. Barely able to look, he finds his prized new acquisition Brad Keller started that game for KC. Four earned runs in 4.2 innings. Does he anguish over the poor performance, or sigh in relief, knowing it could have been far worse? Brandon Maurer coughed up 5 earned runs in 2/3 of an innings! David Price, the Red Sox starter, matched Keller’s embarrassing but non-catastrophic 4.2 ip, 4 er performance. That’s a bullet practically dodged.
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Old Detroit: W 1, L 1; 6 – 9. (95 PA, .250, .333, .405; 8.7 ip, 4 er, 4.15 ERA). The Wolverines’ two Nationals hitters, Trea Turner and Michael Taylor, managed to go 1 for 8 with two walks — underwhelming any time, gravely disappointing in context. And Max Scherzer managed to give up all four of the Marlins’ earned runs in his 7 innings. How about Rafael Devers on the Red Sox? Also 1 for 4, a single single amid all that slugging. Nick Ahmed got a little more into the swing of things for the D-backs: 1 for 2 with a homer and two walks. We’re just glad no Wolverines pitch for KC, Miami, or the White Sox, and Clayton Richard was safe in the Padres’ clubhouse or someplace while the bombs were bursting in Arizona air.
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Canberra: W 1, L (-1); 8 -4. (88 PA, .375, .432, .475; 28 ip, 3er, 0.96 ERA) The Phillies had their own rout Friday, swamping the Pirates 17 – 5. In my last post I pointed out how Kangaroo young studs Rhys Hoskins and Scott Kingery (both Phillies) had identical .167 slugging percentages in July, along with Billy Hamilton. No more! On Friday Hoskins went 3 for 5 with a double and two walks, while Kingery went 4 for 5 with a walk. Then Sunday they both went 1 for 4. So now Hoskins’ July slugging percentage is .333 and Kingery’s is .333. Yes, I know, that’s still identical, but it’s twice what it was Friday morning. And furthermore, it’s no longer identical to Billy Hamilton, whose current July slugging percentage is .421, because he went 3 for 3 with a walk Friday and 3 for 4 Sunday, neither of them in a blowout for his team.
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As for Kangaroos inflicting blowouts on their foes Sunday, the highlight was Alex Bregman (3 for 5 with a double and a homer). And no Kangaroo pitchers were harmed in the process of any of the five blowouts.
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Brookland: W 1, L 1; 8 – 7. (93 PA, .244, .333, .427; 32 IP, 14 er, 3.94 ERA). The D-backs’ Daniel Descalso stands out as the main Out beneficiary of the Diamondbacks devouring the Padres Saturday rout. Descalso went 3 for 5. Charlie Morton pitched for the Astros as they were rocketing past the White Sox, but Morton came out of the game with a line you’d normally attribute to the loser: 5 2/3 ip, 5 earned runs.
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Cottage: W 2, L 0; 18 – 4. (84 PA, .203, .330, .367; 16 ip, 4 er, 2.25 ERA.) Xander Bogaerts was an accomplice in the Red Sox’ thrashing of the Royals, but he was more bystander than instigator: 1 for 3 with a double and three walks. Otherwise the Cheese’s hands are clean, for better or worse.
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Flint Hill: W 1, L 1; 13 – 7. (103 PA, .283, .350, .511; 28.7 ip, 24 er, 7.53 ERA). Look at that ERA. Look at those runs allowed. Something is up, right? Well… Flint Hill submitted allocations Thursday. All the Tornado pitchers were allocated at 100%, except Sonny Gray (33%), Robby Ray (0%), Jeff Samardzija (0%) and Tyson Ross (0%). Here are their pitching lines:
On Friday — Sonny Gray: 2 ip, 5 earned runs for the Yankees in a 6 – 2 loss to the Blue Jays.
On Saturday — Jeff Samardzija: 5 ip, 3 er in the Giants’ 3 – 2 loss to the Cardinals.
Robby Ray: 4.3 ip, 4 er for the Diamondbacks in their 20 – 5 win over the Padres.
Tyson Ross: 2 ip, 8 er for the Padres in their 20 – 5 loss to the Diamondbacks.
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That’s 13.3 ip, 20 earned runs almost entirely erased by eerily prescient allocating. How did he know? He has to be cheating, doesn’t he? Somehow? He didn’t bench the slumping Mike Trout, did he? And Trout went 3 for 4 with a homer yesterday. How did he know that would happen? It can’t be chance, and if it was smarts, why hasn’t Flint Hill ever come in first? I can assure you, the Commissioner’s Office will get to the bottom of this somehow.
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Pittsburgh: W 2, L 0; 18 – 8. (83 PA, .384, .458, .699; 22.3 ip, 7 er, 2.82 ERA). A recent addition to the Allegheny roster, former Wolverine, etc., Mark Reynolds went 5 for 5 with a double and two homers (and 10 RBI’s in a single game). That’s a 3.400 OPS on the day, 1.934 for the month, and .953 for the season. Mark Reynolds is getting better and better… even better than all the other Alleghenys who helped mug their MLB opponents in one of Saturday’s featured massacres: Altuve (2 for 4 with a double), Maikel Franco (2 for 3), JD Martinez (2 for 5 with a double), and Blake Swihart (1 for 1). Meanwhile in another example of an EFL pitcher pitching poorly while his team was winning a wipeout, Allegheny/Red Sox pitcher David Price could only get through 4.7 ip while surrendering 4 earned runs to the hapless, doomed Royals.
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Kaline: W 0, L 2; 9 – 15. (86 PA, .250, .326, .526; 4.3 ip, 5 er, 10.38 ERA). What some of the EFLers did Monday in ganging up on weak teams was impressive, but I think the most impressive performance was Wil Myers’. Myers gave the Padres a 2 – 0 lead in the first inning with a homer. Then he provided the first answer to 8 straight Diamondback runs by homering again in the third inning to make it 8 – 3. Robby Ray walked Myers in 5th, with the score 15 – 4. This was the final straw for Arizona’s manager, who yanked Ray and moved Alex Avila from catcher to first base to get a battery in there that wouldn’t give that 11-run lead right back. Then Myers came up again in the 7th and clouted his third homer to close the gap to 16 – 5. But the Padres’ dugout gave up at that point and subbed Myers out (3 for 3 with 3 homers and a walk) before the bottom of the 7th.
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On the other hand, Drive Trevor Williams took the brunt of the Phillies’ Friday night fisticuffs, chulking with 5 earned runs allowed in only 2.3 innings pitched.
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Peshastin: W 3, L 1; 19 – 17. (77 PA, .271, .338, .457; 18 ip, 6 er, 3.00 ERA). You might not even know there had been blowouts, looking at the Pears’ stat lines over the weekend. Christian Vazquez started at catcher for the Red Sox. He went 1 for 4, with an RBI and a stolen base, and got benched going into the bottom of the 8th, presumably for OPSing 0nly .500 while the team was en route to OPSing 1.147: 16 for 40 with 5 doubles, a homer and 13 walks (.400, .547, .600). The Sox were unwilling to live with such flaccid offense from their catcher. Don’t believe me? You’re WRONG. His sub, Sandy Leon, went 2 for 2 (that’s a 2.000 OPS) in just the top of the ninth inning.
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The Pears won 3 games out of four with a run differential of 2 (and some stored up rounding space) undisturbed by the cataclysms around them. Randall Delgado pitched in the Diamondback’s rout, but only went 1.7 innings with 0 earned runs — you’d never know from his line that fireworks were going off all around him that day. Pears are a serene fruit, after all, aren’t they? I’d never thought of them that way before now.
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Haviland: W 1, L 1; 12 -14. (77 PA, .270, .390, .460; 7.0 ip, 4 er, 5.14 ERA). Alex Avila was right there in the mix for the D-backs, starting at catcher and finishing at first base while going 3 for 3 with a homer and a walk. Bryce Harper broke out of his slump in the Nationals’ blowout win: 3 for 4 with a walk. Juan Soto went 2 for 5 with a double for the Nats. Steven Souza was only 1 for 4 for the D-backs, but the one was a homer. Jake Lamb, on the other hand, only managed 2 walks in his 6 Diamondbacks plate appearances, although he scored 3 runs. Some of the offensive firepower on display in those games rubbed off on the Dragons, but not enough of it to make up for the shortage of pitching.
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DC: W 0, L 0; 9 – 3. (94 PA, .321, .404, .543: Happy Edgar Martinez Day; 9.7 ip, 10 er). Even the Balk got into the action in these high-scoring games, but only on the hitting side. For example, Andrew Benintendi went 2 for 2 with a double, a homer and 4 walks in the Red Sox/Royals “contest.” But then, Matt Chapman was in relatively placid Cleveland, where the A’s and the Indians totalled only 9 runs, and he went 4 for 4 with two double and a walk. So it’s no wonder the Balk racked up 9 runs on an off day. The wonder is how that didn’t steal a win for them. I’m guessing they’re storing up rounding cushions the way the Pears did.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Boston Red Sox | 61 | 29 | .678 | — |
| New York Yankees | 57 | 29 | .663 | 2 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 54 | 36 | .603 | 6.7 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 47 | 43 | .526 | 13.7 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 44 | 44 | .500 | 16 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 41 | 47 | .466 | 19 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 24 | 64 | .273 | 36 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 51 | 35 | .593 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 49 | 37 | .570 | 2 |
| Atlanta Braves | 50 | 38 | .568 | 2 |
| Washington Nationals | 45 | 43 | .511 | 7 |
| D.C. Balk | 36 | 50 | .424 | 14.6 |
| New York Mets | 35 | 50 | .412 | 15.5 |
| Miami Marlins | 36 | 55 | .396 | 17.5 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Cleveland Indians | 49 | 38 | .563 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 45 | 42 | .518 | 3.9 |
| Minnesota Twins | 38 | 48 | .442 | 10.5 |
| Detroit Tigers | 40 | 51 | .440 | 11 |
| Chicago White Sox | 30 | 59 | .337 | 20 |
| Kansas City Royals | 25 | 63 | .284 | 24.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 53 | 36 | .596 | — |
| Chicago Cubs | 50 | 36 | .581 | 1.5 |
| Brookland Outs | 49 | 40 | .546 | 4.4 |
| Cottage Cheese | 48 | 41 | .542 | 4.8 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 46 | 42 | .523 | 6.5 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 40 | 48 | .455 | 12.5 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 39 | 50 | .438 | 14 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 60 | 31 | .659 | — |
| Seattle Mariners | 56 | 34 | .622 | 3.5 |
| Oakland A’s | 49 | 40 | .551 | 10 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 45 | 45 | .500 | 14.5 |
| Kaline Drive | 43 | 48 | .475 | 16.8 |
| Haviland Dragons | 42 | 49 | .458 | 18.4 |
| Texas Rangers | 39 | 51 | .433 | 20.5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Portland Rosebuds | 57 | 33 | .629 | — |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 50 | 40 | .556 | 6.6 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 48 | 40 | .545 | 7.6 |
| Colorado Rockies | 46 | 43 | .517 | 10.1 |
| San Francisco Giants | 46 | 45 | .505 | 11.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 42 | 48 | .463 | 14.9 |
| San Diego Padres | 38 | 53 | .418 | 19.1 |