Feed me, Seymour!

EFL
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB	RS	RA
Old Detroit Wolverines	86	49	.636	—	661.7	492.6
Portland Rosebuds	85	49	.636	0.1	716.0	530.3
Brookland Outs	77	56	.582	7.5	706.2	600.4
Canberra Kangaroos	72	61	.545	12.4	619.0	568.6
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	70	63	.527	14.8	701.9	669.6
Flint Hill Tornadoes	68	67	.506	17.6	610.8	600.9
Haviland Dragons	66	68	.493	19.3	612.0	617.3
Cottage Cheese	66	67	.493	19.3	646.0	653.3
Kaline Drive	64	70	.478	21.3	585.2	611.9
Peshastin Pears	62	72	.465	23.1	572.1	615.8
D.C. Balk	57	76	.429	27.8	570.4	658.6

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Old Detroit:  W, 7 – 7. (40 PA, .278, .350, .472; 11 ip, 7 er, 5.73 ERA).  You probably are thinking, “there goes our Commissioner again, obsessing about his sorry, doomed team.” And you’d be right.  But not 100% right.  Something  is afoot: the Wolverines are playing like someone’s been  drinking their blood, little by little. What will happen when the W’s are drained dry?  One of you will be next. And I don’t want that to happen to any of you.

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Portland: W, 11 – 1. (30 PA, .440, .500, .800; 14.7 ip, 3 er, 1.84 ERA). Look at those ominously round numbers on the batting line: .440, .500, .800. Does that look right to you, like the results of a natural, semi-random baseball game?  Not to me, either. What about Robbie Ray pitching 5.3 ip with only 1 er? Wasn’t he on the DL most of the season?  Is it probable that he’s just naturally or randomly risen from the dead so completely — against the Dodgers?

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There’s another song in “Little Shop of Horrors.”  It goes like this

Better wait a minute,

Better hold the phone,

Better mind your manners,

Better change your tone!

…

You’re in trouble now

You don’t know what you’re messing with

…ee

But I’m gonna tell you now

I’m just a mean green mother from outer space

And I’m bad

I’m just a mean green mother from outer space

And it looks like you been had

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I wish I had the Lamenter’s talent to turn this into something.

Brookland: L, 3 – 4.  (38 PA. .291 .342. .344;  7.3 ip, 3 er, 3.68 ERA). Don’t you wonder why the Outs linger 7 games out? Why aren’t they swooping in for the kill?  After all, they have Manny Machado, and he went 2 for 3 with a homer and a walk. And yet they didn’t move any closer to first place. Isn’t it possible they know precisely what those “Rosebuds” really are?

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Canberra: “L”, 4 – 4. (24 PA, .286, .310, .429; 8 ip, 3 er, 3.38 ERA). If only Wade LeBlanc could be enlisted against the “Rosebuds” before they take over… he went 7 scoreless innings for the hapless Mariners.

Pittsburgh: W,  7 – 6.  (33 PA, .286, .364, .429; 7 ip, 4 er, 5.14 ERA). Frankie Montas, on the other hand, handed the Mariners a 5 run first innings (with a little help — we’ll get to that) last night.  I am touched at the Allegheneys’ generosity toward the Mariners, although two of those runs were unearned.

Flint Hill: L, 8 – 8. (22 PA, .400, .455, .550; 2 ip, 3 er, 13.50 ERA).  The OBP and Slugging went very well yesterday, among the six Tornados who showed up to hit. When you have only 20 AB, a single homer goes a long way (.150 points) toward polishing your SLG.

Haviland: “L”, 5 – 4. (17 PA, .250, .294, .500; 3.3 ip, 0 er 0.00 ERA). Miguel Sano homered.  He leads the Dragons with 6 August homers, although his OPS is only average for the team: .745.  In 103 plate appearances he has 12 walks and 35 strikeouts (another category where he leads the team).  Juan Soto has 118 plate appearances.  He is second on the team in strikeouts (31) but leads the team in walks (23!).

Cottage L, 1 – 9. (19 PA, .059, .158, .059; no pitching). The Cheese were hardly even there.  Six showed up to play, two of whom only hit once. Yoan Moncada led the offense with a hit and a walk in four plate appearances.

Kaline: L, (-1) – 7. (37 PA, .111, .135, .111; 1 ip 0 er). The Cheese sort of mimicked the Drive, who had twice as many plate appearances and four times as many hits, but half the number of walks. Hunter Renfroe got half of the Drive hits (2) while Neal Walker got another one, plus the one walk.

Peshastin: “L”, 4 – 3. (17 PA., .235, .235, .471; 7.3 ip, 1 er) Wade Miley came through for the Pears.  This does not happen very much, you know. Miley’s ERA for Thursday was 1.23. For August it’s an impressive 2.86. For the year it’s 2.18 over 57.7 innings. Wow!  As a former mostly content Wade Miley owner, I like seeing him thrive.

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DC: L, 2 – 4.  (26 PA, .167, .231, .208; 19.3 ip, 9 er).  The Balk didn’t win but they turned out in good volume for a short-scheduled day. Liriano and Musgrove struggled on the mound (10.3 ip, 9 er), but Clevinger picked up a lot of the slack (6.7 ip, 0 er).

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Ok. I lingered over this update longer than I meant to.  I will now go look, very gingerly,  at some Friday box scores to see if the W’s tenure atop the league has already ended.

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AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Boston Red Sox	93	42	.689	—
Old Detroit Wolverines	86	49	.636	7.1
New York Yankees	84	50	.627	8.5
Tampa Bay Rays	71	62	.534	21
Flint Hill Tornadoes	68	67	.506	24.7
Toronto Blue Jays	60	73	.451	32
Baltimore Orioles	40	94	.299	52.5

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Atlanta Braves	74	59	.556	—
Canberra Kangaroos	72	61	.545	1.5
Philadelphia Phillies	71	62	.534	3
Washington Nationals	67	67	.500	7.5
New York Mets	59	74	.444	15
D.C. Balk	57	76	.429	16.9
Miami Marlins	53	81	.396	21.5

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cleveland Indians	76	57	.571	—
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	70	63	.527	5.9
Minnesota Twins	62	71	.466	14
Detroit Tigers	54	80	.403	22.5
Chicago White Sox	53	81	.396	23.5
Kansas City Royals	42	91	.316	34

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Chicago Cubs	79	54	.594	—
Brookland Outs	77	56	.582	1.6
St. Louis Cardinals	75	59	.560	4.5
Milwaukee Brewers	75	60	.556	5
Cottage Cheese	66	67	.493	13.4
Pittsburgh Pirates	65	69	.485	14.5
Cincinnati Reds	57	77	.425	22.5

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Houston Astros	82	52	.612	—
Oakland A’s	80	55	.593	2.5
Seattle Mariners	75	59	.560	7
Haviland Dragons	66	68	.493	15.9
Los Angeles Angels	65	69	.485	17
Kaline Drive	64	70	.478	17.9
Texas Rangers	58	76	.433	24

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Portland Rosebuds	85	49	.636	—
Arizona Diamondbacks	74	60	.552	11.3
Colorado Rockies	72	61	.541	12.8
Los Angeles Dodgers	72	62	.537	13.3
San Francisco Giants	67	68	.496	18.8
Peshastin Pears	62	72	.465	22.9
San Diego Padres	53	83	.390	33.3