I did the Baseball Prospectus stats update, and updated the standings, before my noon class, and spent 75 minutes talking about Con Law while my subconscious processed the question “What is today’s EFL update going to be about?” When I got back after class I noticed I had the following email (name changed in my usual diligence to protect fellow EFL owners from being embarrassed by their own behavior):
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6:08 AM (8 hours ago)
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[Name Redacted], PhD
Xxxxxx Xxx University
Of course I did not give in to this kind of thing. The last thing anyone wants is an EFL owner with uncontrolled rampant conflicts of interests doing updates. Maybe if he had sent the email at a more civilized hour… As far as I know he was up all night, unable to manage his emotions, until finally at 6:08 AM he couldn’t restrain himself any further!!! (pant! pant!)
So now I have a few minutes to write an update. Let’s see if God was merciful, allowing this poor man to be released from his sleep-depriving torments.
EFL | ||||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
Portland Rosebuds | 101 | 55 | .646 | — | 985.5 | 728.3 |
Flint Hill Tornadoes | 101 | 56 | .642 | 0.5 | 972.2 | 721.5 |
Old Detroit Wolverines | 91 | 66 | .579 | 10.4 | 908.1 | 770.6 |
Peshastin Pears | 86 | 70 | .551 | 14.8 | 821.2 | 743.8 |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 85 | 71 | .544 | 16 | 818.7 | 734.4 |
Haviland Dragons | 81 | 75 | .521 | 19.6 | 885.8 | 842.8 |
Kaline Drive | 78 | 78 | .499 | 22.9 | 762.0 | 764.1 |
Canberra Kangaroos | 78 | 79 | .496 | 23.4 | 869.1 | 879.6 |
Cottage Cheese | 73 | 83 | .471 | 27.4 | 880.7 | 930.0 |
Bellingham Cascades | 65 | 91 | .418 | 35.6 | 704.3 | 840.1 |
Brookland Outs | 63 | 93 | .406 | 37.5 | 732.9 | 882.5 |
D.C. Balk | 62 | 95 | .393 | 39.6 | 677.9 | 844.9 |
AL East | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
New York Yankees | 102 | 55 | .650 | — |
Flint Hill Tornadoes | 101 | 56 | .642 | 1.1 |
Tampa Bay Rays | 92 | 64 | .590 | 9.5 |
Old Detroit Wolverines | 91 | 66 | .579 | 11.1 |
Boston Red Sox | 81 | 74 | .523 | 20 |
Toronto Blue Jays | 63 | 93 | .404 | 38.5 |
Baltimore Orioles | 51 | 105 | .327 | 50.5 |
NL East | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
Atlanta Braves | 96 | 61 | .611 | — |
Washington Nationals | 85 | 69 | .552 | 9.5 |
New York Mets | 81 | 74 | .523 | 14 |
Philadelphia Phillies | 79 | 75 | .513 | 15.5 |
Canberra Kangaroos | 78 | 79 | .496 | 18.1 |
D.C. Balk | 62 | 95 | .393 | 34.3 |
Miami Marlins | 54 | 101 | .348 | 41 |
AL Central | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
Minnesota Twins | 96 | 60 | .615 | — |
Cleveland Indians | 92 | 64 | .590 | 4 |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 85 | 71 | .544 | 11.1 |
Chicago White Sox | 68 | 87 | .439 | 27.5 |
Bellingham Cascades | 65 | 91 | .418 | 30.7 |
Kansas City Royals | 57 | 100 | .363 | 39.5 |
Detroit Tigers | 46 | 109 | .297 | 49.5 |
NL Central | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
St. Louis Cardinals | 89 | 67 | .571 | — |
Milwaukee Brewers | 86 | 70 | .551 | 3 |
Chicago Cubs | 82 | 74 | .526 | 7 |
Cottage Cheese | 73 | 83 | .471 | 15.6 |
Cincinnati Reds | 73 | 83 | .468 | 16 |
Pittsburgh Pirates | 65 | 91 | .417 | 24 |
Brookland Outs | 63 | 93 | .406 | 25.7 |
AL West | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
Houston Astros | 102 | 54 | .654 | — |
Oakland A’s | 94 | 62 | .603 | 8 |
Haviland Dragons | 81 | 75 | .521 | 20.8 |
Kaline Drive | 78 | 78 | .499 | 24.1 |
Texas Rangers | 75 | 81 | .481 | 27 |
Los Angeles Angels | 70 | 86 | .449 | 32 |
Seattle Mariners | 66 | 90 | .423 | 36 |
NL West | ||||
TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
Portland Rosebuds | 101 | 55 | .646 | — |
Los Angeles Dodgers | 100 | 56 | .641 | 0.8 |
Peshastin Pears | 86 | 70 | .551 | 14.8 |
Arizona Diamondbacks | 80 | 76 | .513 | 20.8 |
San Francisco Giants | 75 | 81 | .481 | 25.8 |
San Diego Padres | 70 | 86 | .449 | 30.8 |
Colorado Rockies | 67 | 89 | .429 | 33.8 |
Oh sure, in my desire to ease your burden I get portrayed as a deviant owner. That hurts! As if a 17-3 record this month is hard enough to believe, you cast aspersions on my character. Don’t give the Rosebuds fodder (true or not!) to ask for a recount if indeed the Tornadoes prevail after this week is over. The on thing I know about life is that little brothers (or is it older brothers?) need no help thinking their sibling is somehow getting an unfair advantage. Who cares if my ERA this month is a full two runs lower than my season ERA? Who notices that my best hitter this month is a guy named Luis Arraez while other well-known players named Trout and Baez have been shelved by injuries? Surely nothing sinister is happening here!