We have a plum tree in our back yard. (Also a pear tree, but as it has never had a partridge in it, the pear tree is insignificant.) The trees were here when we moved in 20 years ago. We often go entire years without paying those trees any attention. They reliably reward our neglect by producing negligible crops. I may not have eaten 19 plums in the first 19 years the plum tree belonged to me.
So I wasn’t paying any attention when the plum tree’s biggest branch broke, mysteriously, a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t even notice it had broken. Melanie did, and also noticed the reason why: the branch was literally bursting with plums.
By the time (yesterday) I got around to cutting the dangling branch completely free of the tree so no one would be killed when it finished its descent, we had probably lost half our crop to over-ripeness and the neighborhood squirrels and birds. I picked the other half – wonderful, ripe, sweet, juicy plums. Most of them are in the picture atop this update — five large bowls full. Others are lying on our kitchen counter, or the railing of the back deck, or in me — for the moment.
How does a nearly-barren plum tree suddenly grow more plums than its branches can bear?
Milan Kundera in his novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being claims an unrepeated event is meaningless. It’s a one-off, a chimera. Because it displays no pattern, we cannot understand what caused it. And because it never happens again, we do not need to adjust our behavior in its light. The tree has grown its bizarre crop, and we revel in the plums (and try to give them away before we have five bowls of glop), but the branch has broken. It cannot happen again.
But I dissent. Unrepeated events are too exhilarating, and too ominous, to be meaningless. The universe is capable of producing an inexplicable flood of plums! Free unmerited gifts can rain down on us at any time, brightening our days, lightening our loads, maybe saving our lives! Be sure to savor the event, because you will probably not see it again!
But also — the universe is not as orderly as we like to think. It’s capricious. The branch that has never borne fruit can suddenly bear more than it can bear, and can land on your head if you aren’t watching every moment!
The cosmologists say the universe can fall apart at any moment if the tiniest anomaly sneaks into its underlying constants. I hope a sudden shower of pears is not the result of such an anomaly — but I suppose I can relax if the event isn’t connected to anything else. You know, if the rest of the world is humming along like normal…
Which brings us to today’s standings:
EFL Standings for 2020
EFL |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
RS |
RA |
Kaline Drive |
19 |
11 |
.640 |
— |
154.3 |
114.8 |
Haviland Dragons |
18 |
12 |
.593 |
1.4 |
177.3 |
146.0 |
D.C. Balk |
14 |
14 |
.483 |
4.7 |
135.8 |
140.3 |
Flint Hill Tornadoes |
12 |
13 |
.461 |
5.2 |
128.7 |
144.3 |
Peshastin Pears |
14 |
16 |
.455 |
5.6 |
138.5 |
151.4 |
Cottage Cheese |
12 |
16 |
.437 |
6 |
131.0 |
149.5 |
Bellingham Cascades |
13 |
17 |
.436 |
6.1 |
147.5 |
179.9 |
Canberra Kangaroos |
11 |
17 |
.408 |
6.8 |
136.9 |
165.6 |
Portland Rosebuds |
11 |
19 |
.380 |
7.8 |
162.2 |
207.2 |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
11 |
19 |
.379 |
7.8 |
135.9 |
172.7 |
Old Detroit Wolverines |
7 |
18 |
.272 |
9.9 |
93.1 |
150.6 |
Kaline Drive: “L”, 7 – 5
AVG: 0.308 |
OBP: 0.379 |
SLG: 0.692 |
OPS: 1.072 |
PA: 29 |
ERA: 4.50 |
WHIP: 1.333 |
IP: 6.0 |
What do cosmologists know, anyway? Their models do not allow for a supernatural being who might be trying to help us! Who might have built the entire universe to help us! Who might want to break down an “order” that isn’t working, and replace it with a new and better order. Who might want to shake things up, to lift up those who have born their burdens for years without complaint, make the first last and the last first.
Or, in this case, make the middling first. And behold! The Drive just keep on driving. OPS over 1.000! Tolerable ERA, with almost enough innings! Unexpected stars shining like Omar Narvaez and Willy Adames, both 2 for 4 with a double and a homer! This Drive dominance is not a one-time event. It has been happening with regularity all season.
Haviland Dragons: W, 6 – 1
AVG: 0.250 |
OBP: 0.379 |
SLG: 0.458 |
OPS: 0.838 |
PA: 29 |
ERA: 3.46 |
WHIP: 1.615 |
IP: 13.0 |
Ah, but beware! The branch on which all those Drive plums are ripening may not be able to bear its unaccustomed weight. And there are Dragons lurking nearby who have won many times before and would be eager to win again. Is the Universe really on a new footing? Or are the Dragons just toying with you before they devour you?
What does it mean when they have a pitcher named Jesus, last name “Luzardo” — possibly a portentous mix of “light” and “lizard”? Jesus the Light-Lizard pitched 6.7 solid innings to go with Pablo Lopez’ 5 shutout innings.
DC Balk: DNP, (-3) – 0
AVG: 0.069 |
OBP: 0.250 |
SLG: 0.103 |
OPS: 0.353 |
PA: 36 |
The Balk, as much as the Drive, have thrived this year under whatever new order is upon us. But yesterday it did not seem so. Of 8 Balk hitters, only two got hits. They also added a base to their singles: Nico Hoerner by stealing it, Jorge Alfaro by taking it fair and square from the outset in the form of a double.
But here’s a thing: Hoerner and Alfaro were also the only Balks hit by pitches. Don’t you find this troubling, that the Balk are reduced to practicing human sacrifice to sustain their success?
Flint Hill Tornadoes: W (-1), L (-3); (-22) – (-31)
AVG: 0.226 |
OBP: 0.294 |
SLG: 0.419 |
OPS: 0.713 |
PA: 34 |
The Tornadoes gained an entire game in the standings, leapfrogging the Cheese, by deleting 4 games from their results! I never saw this happen in 16 years as EFL Commissioner. It happened twice yesterday (see also: Wolverines, Old Detroit). Look, I’m all for the Drive and the Balk being in the thick of the pennant race, and I don’t mind a little Cheese-hopping now and then, but I am nervous about the fundamental laws of the universe loosening their grip on things.
Javier Baez blasting 2 homers and leading the way with a 3 for 5 day isn’t so bad. That kind of thing isn’t common, but I don’t think it’s entirely unfamiliar.
Peshastin: W 2, L (-2); 7 – (-7)
AVG: 0.517 |
OBP: 0.583 |
SLG: 0.621 |
OPS: 1.204 |
PA: 36 |
ERA: 0.00 |
WHIP: 0.429 |
IP: 7.0 |
What a day! We who live in Old Detroit have forgotten such things are possible. Five Pears — Soto, Maldonado, Semien, Edman, and Aguilar — had multi-hit games, with Soto amassing 4 hits (including two doubles) all by himself. Maldonado added 2 walks, and Edman and Aguilar each walked once, too. Jack Flaherty and Tom Hatch combined for a 7-inning shutout.
The Pears thus leapfrogged the Cheese, too, and the Cascades, to boot. Perhaps I should be paying more attention to that neglected pear tree outback. Perhaps it holds a magic key to sudden dramatic success in chaotic times.
Cottage Cheese: L, 3 – 8.
AVG: 0.182 |
OBP: 0.250 |
SLG: 0.227 |
OPS: 0.477 |
PA: 24 |
No pitching had its expected effects, adding lots of runs to the Cheesy defense performance. Corey Dickerson went 3 for 6 but the other four Cheeses combined to go 1 for 16.
Bellingham Cascades: W, 10 – 6
AVG: 0.750 |
OBP: 0.800 |
SLG: 1.125 |
OPS: 1.925 |
PA: 10 |
ERA: 5.71 |
WHIP: 1.111 |
IP: 6.3 |
Cascades management told its players to not bother showing up unless they planned to go 3 for 4. Only Brad Miller and Paul Goldschmidt took the challenge, with Goldy making one of his three hits a homer just for good measure.
On the other hand, the pitching coach apparently told Cheese pitchers they would pitch until they had surrendered 2 earned runs. Under that rule, Brett Anderson had to stay out there toiling away until he finished 6 innings. Clever Jacob Barnes protected his nap time by surrendering his allotted 2 earned runs while facing just 3 batters and hitting two of them.
Canberra Kangaroos: DNP, 6 – (-3)
AVG: 0.471 |
OBP: 0.654 |
SLG: 0.941 |
OPS: 1.595 |
PA: 26 |
ERA: 3.86 |
WHIP: 1.000 |
IP: 7.0 |
Wow! Another 1.000+ OPS day in the EFL! Talk about plums by the bushel…
All seven Kangaroo hitters got a hit. Only Eduardo Escobar got hit. Kyle Tucker doubled, homered, and took a walk to lead the way so offensively. Blake Snell anchored the pitching with 5.7 innings pitched and only 2 earned runs. That’s how the ‘Roos floated back to the top of the three-team rumble at the (nearly) bottom of the standings.
Portland: DNP, 1 – 0
AVG: 0.286 |
OBP: 0.286 |
SLG: 0.524 |
OPS: 0.810 |
PA: 21 |
With no pitching, the Rosebuds had six offensive players show up on an off day. They produced some power, but otherwise were lackluster, unmotivated, etc. Despite their indifference, the Rosebuds actually climbed a notch to ninth place.
AVG: 0.211 |
OBP: 0.250 |
SLG: 0.526 |
OPS: 0.776 |
|
ERA: 0.0 |
WHIP: 0.000 |
IP: 0.7
|
Stephen Piscotty and Jorge Soler both went 2 for 4 with a homer, but every other Allegheny hitter — all three of them — went hitless. Brad Boxberger’s scoreless 2/3 of an inning closed out the dispirited loss.
Or was it dispirited? The loss moved the Alleghenys much closer to the #1 draft pick next spring, cutting their margin “behind” the Wolverines from 3.3 to 2.1 games.
Old Detroit: W (-1), L (-3); (-19) – (-35)
AVG: 0.167 |
OBP: 0.211 |
SLG: 0.222 |
OPS: 0.433 |
PA: 19 |
ERA: 0.00 |
WHIP: 0.000 |
IP: 1.0 |
The pitching consisted entirely of a scoreless inning from David Phelps. The hitting consisted entirely of nothing special. And yet the Wolverines matched the Kangaroos’ one-game surge of an entire game in the standings.
There were two differences, however, in the Tornado and Wolverine experiences of August 24:
1. The Wolverines lost fewer offensive runs and suppressed more opponents’ runs allowed than the Tornadoes did, and
2. The W’s didn’t have any nearby teams it could pass. Although we are eyeing the Alleghenys and Rosebuds with combined eagerness and alarm.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2020
AL East |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Tampa Bay Rays |
19 |
11 |
.633 |
— |
New York Yankees |
16 |
9 |
.640 |
0.5 |
Toronto Blue Jays |
14 |
13 |
.519 |
3.5 |
Baltimore Orioles |
14 |
14 |
.500 |
4 |
Flint Hill Tornadoes |
12 |
13 |
.461 |
5 |
Boston Red Sox |
9 |
20 |
.310 |
9.5 |
Old Detroit Wolverines |
7 |
18 |
.272 |
9.7 |
NL East |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Atlanta Braves |
16 |
12 |
.571 |
— |
Miami Marlins |
12 |
11 |
.522 |
1.5 |
D.C. Balk |
14 |
14 |
.483 |
2.5 |
New York Mets |
12 |
14 |
.462 |
3 |
Washington Nationals |
11 |
15 |
.423 |
4 |
Philadelphia Phillies |
10 |
14 |
.417 |
4 |
Canberra Kangaroos |
11 |
17 |
.408 |
4.6 |
AL Central |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Minnesota Twins |
20 |
10 |
.667 |
— |
Chicago White Sox |
17 |
12 |
.586 |
2.5 |
Cleveland Indians |
17 |
12 |
.586 |
2.5 |
Bellingham Cascades |
13 |
17 |
.436 |
6.9 |
Detroit Tigers |
11 |
16 |
.407 |
7.5 |
Kansas City Royals |
11 |
18 |
.379 |
8.5 |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
11 |
19 |
.379 |
8.6 |
NL Central |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Chicago Cubs |
18 |
10 |
.643 |
— |
St. Louis Cardinals |
10 |
8 |
.556 |
3 |
Milwaukee Brewers |
12 |
15 |
.444 |
5.5 |
Cottage Cheese |
12 |
16 |
.437 |
5.8 |
Cincinnati Reds |
11 |
16 |
.407 |
6.5 |
Pittsburgh Pirates |
7 |
17 |
.292 |
9 |
AL West |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Oakland A’s |
20 |
10 |
.667 |
— |
Kaline Drive |
19 |
11 |
.640 |
0.8 |
Haviland Dragons |
18 |
12 |
.593 |
2.2 |
Houston Astros |
16 |
13 |
.552 |
3.5 |
Texas Rangers |
11 |
17 |
.393 |
8 |
Seattle Mariners |
11 |
19 |
.367 |
9 |
Los Angeles Angels |
9 |
21 |
.300 |
11 |
NL West |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Los Angeles Dodgers |
22 |
8 |
.733 |
— |
San Diego Padres |
18 |
12 |
.600 |
4 |
Colorado Rockies |
14 |
15 |
.483 |
7.5 |
San Francisco Giants |
14 |
16 |
.467 |
8 |
Peshastin Pears |
14 |
16 |
.455 |
8.3 |
Arizona Diamondbacks |
13 |
17 |
.433 |
9 |
Portland Rosebuds |
11 |
19 |
.380 |
10.6 |