I learned yesterday that there’s a federal law against helping your father. This is the absolute truth. A lawyer told me so, and laughed. Also the truth.
Since you are dying to know how this happened, I will do as Jamie says I so often do, quote from a communication from one of my sons, this time a phone call. I told Ryan I was working on a project about civility in elections. Ryan said he beat me to it: he does workplace civility training for the Inspector General’s office in the federal government.
I of course asked for all his materials. He said he couldn’t share them with me, because the law prohibited it. Also a contract. And then he laughed.
Everyone knows sons should leap to help their aging fathers when they need it. Instead my son, after pointing out that I was trailing after him in civility, responded to my plea for help by laughing and saying “No, I don’t want to go to jail.” (Or words possibly to that effect.)
Sons beating their fathers. And celebrating. I am not kidding about this — Ryan’s apartment is all packed up for his move to Colorado, except for his softball bat. (Also the truth.)
Why did he keep his softball bat out, you might wonder. Oh, don’t be so dense. It was just so he could flip it after emphatically not helping his father. No, I didn’t hear the bat smashing into things in his apartment, but that’s because there isn’t anything left in his apartment that could break, except a TV he’s giving away. It probably landed on the couch he’s leaving there — the only other thing still unpacked. (Still the truth.)
That kid better look out. I can still throw a ball 60′ 6″ — probably even 61′ 6″ — and make it look like I didn’t intend to throw behind him. After all, I am right behind him, including in civility.
EFL Standings for 2020
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Kaline Drive | 27 | 23 | .543 | — | 220.0 | 198.4 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 26 | 23 | .535 | 0.4 | 253.3 | 247.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 27 | 23 | .531 | 0.6 | 243.6 | 227.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 24 | 26 | .490 | 2.6 | 262.9 | 263.2 |
| Cottage Cheese | 24 | 26 | .478 | 3.2 | 260.1 | 272.4 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 22 | 27 | .456 | 4.3 | 243.2 | 277.8 |
| D.C. Balk | 23 | 27 | .453 | 4.5 | 233.0 | 256.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 21 | 29 | .410 | 6.6 | 248.9 | 301.0 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 20 | 29 | .406 | 6.8 | 229.2 | 279.2 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 17 | 32 | .357 | 9.2 | 219.2 | 294.0 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 15 | 35 | .292 | 12.5 | 228.9 | 359.5 |
KALINE: L, (-2) – 1.
| AVG: 0.118 | OBP: 0.182 | SLG: 0.118 | OPS: 0.299 | PA: 55 |
| ERA: 2.77 | WHIP: 1.154 | IP: 13.0 | |||||||||||
The Drive are ahead of everyone again today, and not just in civility. September hasn’t been all that kind to the Wizard of Whidbey. Not only has he been enshrouded in smoke for days, his team has gone 7 – 9, its winning percentage steadily gliding downward. And yesterday was more of the same.
The Drive produced 55 plate appearances, but only 6 hits, 2 of them by Kyle Lewis, and none of them for extra bases. This disastrous offense could have dumped the team back into second or even third place, except Adam Wainwright and Aaron Civale each only allowed 2 earned runs in 7 and 6 innings, respectively, keeping the score relatively close.
No good deed goes unpunished, so of course the Drive are still beset by two menacing teams carrying big softball bats.
FLINT HILL: L, 0 – 2.
| AVG: 0.154 | OBP: 0.214 | SLG: 0.250 | OPS: 0.464 | PA: 56 |
| ERA: 2.13 | WHIP: 1.102 | IP: 12.7 | |||||||||||
I may have overestimated the size of the Tornados’ bats. In fact their approach to yesterday’s game was the same as Kaline’s — great pitching almost overcoming weak hitting.
Flint Hill’s starting pitcher, German Marquez (6.7 ip, 3 er), couldn’t quite match Civale or Wainwright. But five Tornado relievers covered 6 more innings without surrendering any runs. Tornado batters only managed 8 hits in 56 plate appearances, but two were doubles and Keston Hiura even clouted a homer.
Nothing Kaline couldn’t handle, but the T’s shrank the Drive lead by 0.1 games. Flint Hill only has to do that five more times in their final 11 games to capture the pennant.
HAVILAND: L, 1 – 5.
| AVG: 0.179 | OBP: 0.214 | SLG: 0.359 | OPS: 0.573 | PA: 43 |
Another low-offense approach, except Haviland had two homers (Lowe, Sano) among their 7 hits. Also, the Dragons skipped the great pitching part, going with no pitching, instead. It didn’t work all that well as the D’s slipped into third place, but they only lost 0.2 games on the Drive.
The Dragons are still within striking range of the Drive, but even more to today’s point, are only 0.2 games behind their eldest son. I doubt Jamie is any more circumspect about celebrating leads over his father than Ryan is. On the other hand, I also doubt Jamie leads John in civility, so maybe he’ll be spared being put in his place too emphatically.
PESHASTIN: L, (-1) – 2.
| AVG: 0.190 | OBP: 0.300 | SLG: 0.310 | OPS: 0.610 | PA: 50 |
| ERA: 1.08 | WHIP: 0.482 | IP: 8.3 | |||||||||||
The Pears lost nothing to the league leaders in the pitching department. Dustin May surrendered 3 runs in 5.3 innings, but two of them were cleverly unearned (even though he served up two homes), and two relievers covered 3 scoreless innings.
Pears hitters came close to replacement level, an offensive achievement that appears to tower over the leaders. But the results aren’t any better because yesterday’s hitting star, Clint Frazier (2 for 3 with a homer and two walks), is losing 37% of his production because the Pears are so oversupplied with other hitter plate appearances.
COTTAGE: W, 9 – (-2).
| AVG: 0.324 | OBP: 0.468 | SLG: 0.541 | OPS: 1.009 | PA: 47 |
| ERA: 2.25 | WHIP: 0.667 | IP: 12.0 | |||||||||||
In a league full of losers and “winners”, the truly winning team is king!
Well, not exactly “king” if they aren’t in first place. But “in firm possession of 5th place, having gained 1.3 games on the Drive” which is pretty close to being king. For a day.
J.D. Davis led the offense, blasting a homer and two doubles in 4 at bats. Alex Verdugo also went 3 for 4, all for singles, but tossed in a walk as well. Nate Lowe also made only one out: a double in two plate appearances, with three walks.
Drew Smiley stumbled on the mound (3 er in 3.7 ip), but Brady Singer (6 ip) and Cody Stashak (2.3 ip) covered for him by allowing 0 runs.
The Head Cheese, father-in-law for a week now, is establishing the proper pecking order in the family, leading the son-in-law by over a game now. I find him such an inspiration! Perhaps John does, too? We’ll see in tomorrow’s results.
BELLINGHAM: L, 1 – 2.
| AVG: 0.133 | OBP: 0.170 | SLG: 0.311 | OPS: 0.481 | PA: 47 |
| ERA: 2.17 | WHIP: 1.084 | IP: 8.3 | |||||||||||
Although it would be wise for the Head Cheese not to get complacent. Look how perfectly the Cascades emulated the approach used by all three of the top three teams: skinny hitting with super pitching. Brad Miller hit a homer and a double in 6 at-bats Wednesday, and Jacob Nottingham hit another homer in 3 at bats, but the rest of the team went 4 for 36. Meanwhile Mike Fiers let only 1 run leak through 6 innings.
If that’s what winning teams do, and if Bellingham has mastered the formula, there may still come the day, even before the season is over, when the son (-in-law) overtakes the father (-in-law). Although my impression is Andre has plenty of civility, so maybe Dave can hope for gentler treatment from his son than the other fathers in the league…
DC: “W”, 10 – 10.
| AVG: 0.400 | OBP: 0.438 | SLG: 0.733 | OPS: 1.171 | PA: 32 |
| ERA: 11.67 | WHIP: 2.037 | IP: 5.4 | |||||||||||
I don’t think DC is doing this right. Tons and tons of offense: every hitter reaching base safely except pinch-hitter Pete Alonso, two homers from Jorge Alfaro and another from Asdrubal Cabrera, more team walks (2) than strikeouts (1), four stolen bases (3 by Mookie Betts) and none caught stealing — all that is great, easily accounting for 10 runs.
But what does it profit a team to win the world at the plate, only to lose it again from the rubber? Dylan Bundy coughed up 5 earned runs in 2.7 innings. And Matt Foster followed with 2 more earned runs in 0.7 innings.
CANBERRA: “W”, 2 – 3.
| AVG: 0.200 | OBP: 0.300 | SLG: 0.229 | OPS: 0.529 | PA: 40 |
| ERA: 3.25 | WHIP: 1.566 | IP: 8.3 | |||||||||||
If you’re going to stiff-arm the old man, maybe you’d better hit better than replacement. It does help to get sparkling pitching to overcome Caleb Smith’s 2 ip, 2 er weak effort. But that phony win won’t be enough…
OLD DETROIT: “W”, 3 – 4.
| AVG: 0.220 | OBP: 0.322 | SLG: 0.340 | OPS: 0.662 | PA: 59 |
| ERA: 5.05 | WHIP: 1.402 | IP: 10.7 | |||||||||||
… unless the old man’s offense only leads the league in plate appearances, and has pitchers like Ljay Newsome (3 ip, 5 er) daily torching its ERA. Both of which the Kangaroo’s old man does have.
Here’s another nice touch: recently benched Jurickson Profar was the Wolverine hitting star: a homer, a single, and a walk in four plate appearances. Profar’s post-benching line is now 8 for 14 with a double, a homer, and two walks, or .571, .625, .857. Save some of that for next year, Jurickson.
Despite all this, however, let me point out the W’s gained 0.1 games on the ‘Roos. They only have to do that 3 more times in their last 11 games to repay the Captain Kangaroo for not sharing his materials.
PITTSBURGH: L, 2 – 3.
| AVG: 0.133 | OBP: 0.188 | SLG: 0.267 | OPS: 0.454 | PA: 32 |
| ERA: 2.47 | WHIP: 0.685 | IP: 7.3 | |||||||||||
Do you doubt that our league leaders, most of whom have not won an EFL championship, know what they’re doing with their weak hitting/dominating pitching approach? Well, here’s the league’s most dominant franchise, the Yankees of the EFL, doing exactly the same thing. Tarik Skubal pitched long (6 ip) and generally prospered (2 er), and got 1.3 innings of scoreless relief to provide the dominant pitching. And the mighty Alleghenys mustered 4 hits in 32 plate appearances.
The offensive highlight was Byron Buxton’s homer, an outside the park job this time.
If you are skeptical that the Alleghenys are still playing successful ball, please note that while they technically lost, they gained 0.1 games on the Drive. They only have to do that 92 more times in their last 11 games to be EFL champions once again.
PORTLAND: “W”. 2 – 4.
| AVG: 0.136 | OBP: 0.167 | SLG: 0.273 | OPS: 0.439 | PA: 24 |
| ERA: 1.80 | WHIP: 1.200 | IP: 5.0 | |||||||||||
And here are the defending EFL champions getting an almost identical performance from their team as the winningest all-time EFL team (Pittsburgh) and the quartet of current league leaders. Tyler O’Neill homered and Javier Baez singled twice, but the rest of the time the Rosebuds went 0 for 21. Meanwhile Michael Wacha went four innings with only 1 run allowed.
I don’t know what more evidence you need. Everyone — especially everyone ahead of the W’s — ought to pretty much stop hitting and rely totally on your pitchers.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2020
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 31 | 18 | .633 | — |
| New York Yankees | 28 | 21 | .571 | 3 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 26 | 22 | .542 | 4.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 26 | 23 | .535 | 4.8 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 22 | 27 | .449 | 9 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 20 | 29 | .406 | 11.1 |
| Boston Red Sox | 18 | 32 | .360 | 13.5 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Atlanta Braves | 29 | 21 | .580 | — |
| Miami Marlins | 25 | 22 | .532 | 2.5 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 24 | 24 | .500 | 4 |
| D.C. Balk | 23 | 27 | .453 | 6.3 |
| New York Mets | 22 | 27 | .449 | 6.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 21 | 29 | .410 | 8.5 |
| Washington Nationals | 18 | 29 | .383 | 9.5 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago White Sox | 32 | 17 | .653 | — |
| Minnesota Twins | 31 | 20 | .608 | 2 |
| Cleveland Indians | 26 | 23 | .531 | 6 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 22 | 27 | .456 | 9.7 |
| Detroit Tigers | 21 | 27 | .438 | 10.5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 21 | 29 | .420 | 11.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 17 | 32 | .357 | 14.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago Cubs | 30 | 20 | .600 | — |
| Cincinnati Reds | 25 | 26 | .490 | 5.5 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 22 | 23 | .489 | 5.5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 24 | 26 | .478 | 6.1 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 23 | 26 | .469 | 6.5 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 14 | 34 | .292 | 15 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Oakland A’s | 31 | 19 | .620 | — |
| Kaline Drive | 27 | 23 | .543 | 3.9 |
| Haviland Dragons | 27 | 23 | .531 | 4.4 |
| Houston Astros | 24 | 25 | .490 | 6.5 |
| Seattle Mariners | 22 | 27 | .449 | 8.5 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 20 | 30 | .400 | 11 |
| Texas Rangers | 18 | 31 | .367 | 12.5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 35 | 15 | .700 | — |
| San Diego Padres | 32 | 19 | .627 | 3.5 |
| San Francisco Giants | 24 | 24 | .500 | 10 |
| Peshastin Pears | 24 | 26 | .490 | 10.5 |
| Colorado Rockies | 22 | 26 | .458 | 12 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 19 | 31 | .380 | 16 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 15 | 35 | .292 | 20.4 |
It is very interesting to see over the past week how many of our EFL teams have been suffering from poor offense, even with the MLB games that have had a surplus of runs scored. Outside of the Pears, there has been a dearth of runs scored compared to last month (and the Pears have nearly doubled their RC/G from last month). It has helped to keep the standings compressed, which I appreciate, but it makes me wonder why the sudden change…