We begin with an important public service announcement:
Uncle Sam Wants YOU
to do Your Part in EFL Error Correction!
Yes, it’s true. Despite his daily hopes, the Commissioner is still a reliably, steadily fallible being. Just yesterday the Portland Rosebuds discovered that Tom Koehler’s stats were not being included in Rosebud results, despite the conspicuous trade at the end of May bringing him to the Rosebud City.
Recall our error correction system, both simple and powerful:
- The Commissioner makes an err0r. Or maybe several all in a bunch.
- An EFL owner discovers the error and reports it civilly to the Commissioner.
- The Commissioner corrects the error.
- Repeat.
There you have it: an error-correction system and a daily spiritual reflection on human fallenness and need for grace, all in one package.
The Commissioner may be fallible, but he has an Uncle Sam living right in his own house, who can issue a stirring call to action and get results! Don’t disappoint Uncle Sam. Step up today and pore carefully over your team stats, and those of your bitterest rivals. You may not, by some miracle, spot an error today, but you will inevitably do so someday. And your faithfulness may be all that separates the league from the horrible injustice of awarding the EFL trophy to the wrong owner.
Now, on to the news. Except, in this case, it may be that the news is unfit to print. Because, as Baseball Prospectus put it:
Trying to come up with a lede for a section about Tuesday night’s fracas between Manny Machado and Yordano Ventura is like trying to herd angry wolverines through beds of insane rosebuds.
If you follow the link I gave you above, you may find a slightly shorter version of the above quote. But I give you the longer original one, reconstructed from the published quote courtesy of advanced linguistic and literary analytic tools we have here in the Commissioner’s office, because it shows two things:
* BP is not an anti-Wolverine rag, as some have alleged, here treating both teams as equally at fault., and
* BP knows the Wolverine and Rosebud rosters — a sure sign that the full public recognition the EFL deserves is about to dawn.
EFL Standings for 2016
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
RS |
RA |
Old Detroit Wolverines |
36 |
21 |
.636 |
— |
327.7 |
248.0 |
Portland Rosebuds |
36 |
24 |
.593 |
2.2 |
293.3 |
238.8 |
Haviland Dragons |
34 |
24 |
.592 |
2.4 |
273.9 |
230.4 |
Canberra Kangaroos |
33 |
25 |
.572 |
3.6 |
281.5 |
241.0 |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
31 |
26 |
.542 |
5.4 |
279.2 |
256.3 |
Flint Hill Tornadoes |
29 |
28 |
.517 |
6.8 |
262.6 |
253.6 |
Peshastin Pears |
28 |
32 |
.471 |
9.5 |
245.5 |
261.1 |
Cottage Cheese |
25 |
32 |
.436 |
11.4 |
253.8 |
287.8 |
Kaline Drive |
22 |
36 |
.376 |
14.9 |
256.9 |
332.7 |
D.C. Balk |
16 |
42 |
.282 |
20.4 |
212.9 |
344.0 |
Old Detroit: “L”, 6 – 4. (.244, .292, .311; 28.3 ip, 9 er). Jurickson Profar led the team among players not ejected from the game with a 2 for 4 Profarmance, bouying an otherwise sad offense. (Actually, unsung superutility player Sean Rodriguez matched him, so 2d base was an island of light in the dark sea of Wolverine offense.) That nice pitching line suggesting a daily ERA of just under 3.00, after allocating Wade Miley’s 7 shutout innings at 0% and Colin Rea and Matt Moore’s lesser efforts at 50%, with only John Lamb’s 7.1 ip, 1 er at 100%, leaves the W’s with a daily ERA of just over 3.00.
Portland: W, 6 – 2. (.250, .341, .611; 11 ip, 9 er). Koehler’s missing 6 ip, 3 er, which obliterated the 4 replacement innings blighting the Rosebuds, got lost in the glare of another Yordano Ventura explosion yesterday. Ventura drilled Anthony Rizzo in the back with a 99-mile-per-hour fastball in the 5th inning, after buzzing other pitches close to Rizzo in a previous at-bat. Ventura is combustible, but unfortunately so is Machado, who charged the mound and threw a punch. Both men were ejected, but the next two Oriole hitters (former Drive Mark Trumbo and current Kangaroo Chris Davis) homered to put the game out of reach. Fortunately for the Rosebuds, Portland management had anticipated Ventura’s meltdown and have him 0% active in June…. Hey! Mr. Tornemada the Flint Hill Inquisitor! When will you be writing about Rosebud management’s suspect clairvoyance?
Haviland: “L”, 4 – 3. (.222, .255, .400; 5 ip, 1 er). Paul Goldschmidt fell an itty-bitty triple short of a cycle and Juan Nicasio slung 5 innings of 1 run baseball to lift the Dragons to a humble win disguised as an even humbler loss.
Canberra: W, 9 – 6. (.333, .388, .739; 14.7 ip, 9 er). The Kangaroos lived large yesterday, smashing baseballs all over the place, especially that noted slugger Billy Hamilton (3 for 3 with a homer and 2 stolen bases). Steven Matz and Rick Porcello did decently as the starters (11 ip, 5 er), but the relievers were generally awful, especially Arodys Vizcaino who got one out, but walked one and coughed up 3 hits, including a homer). Unlike the Braves, the ‘Roos survived the Vizcaino vicissitude and preserved a win.
Pittsburgh: L, (-1) – 5. (.098 .208, .122; 11.3 ip, 5 ) Aaron Blair had a better day (4.3 ip 2 er), as did Eddie Butler (6 ip, 3 er). But Allegheny hitters fell short of what they needed to turn that improved pitching into a win. Pittsburgh’s Piscotty personally produced half the A’s output, going 2 for 3 with a walk, leaving the rest of the team to go 2 for 38.
Flint Hill: L, 4 – 5. (.229, .308, .343; 6.7 ip, 8 er). Mat Latos and Tony Cingrani torched Tornado hopes with their crummy outings. Byron Buxton, on the other hand, is batting .391, .375, .565 in June, despite going 0 for 4 yesterday, to raise hopes he’ll be the super-star he was touted to be.
Peshastin: L, 3 – 8. (.289, .289, .400; 1.3 ip, 1 er). I only seem to see Blake Wood at his worst, this time giving up a run in 1/3 of an inning. But whatever he did, it wasn’t going to be enough. The Pears have ten starting pitchers on the roster, but have had only three starts from that group this month. Altogether Peshastin is carrying 13.7 ip of replacement innings, which has wilted the Pears’ recent surge up the standings.
Cottage: L, 1 – 8. (.293,, .310, .317; 7 ip, 5 er). Sean Manaea ate some innings for the Cheese, but they were relief innings. The Cheese took on 5 more replacement starter innings, making their total 6 for the month. This may resolve itself as the month smooths out the unevenness in the rotation.
Kaline: L, 2 – 5. (.140, .224, .186; 1 ip, 0 er). Shawn O’Malley went 2 for 3 with a triple and a double to lead the good news for the Drive. The rest of the team went 4 for 40 with no extra bases — that completes the bad news for the Drive.
D.C.: L, 5 – 7. (.314, .368, .514; 7.3 ip, 5 er). Three Balkan pitchers struggled, compiling a daily ERA of 6.14 — but a FIP of 2.02. This was too bad, since several Balk prospects had great days at the plate, led by… 33-year-old Bobby Wilson ( 2 for 3 with a homer). But, really, YOUNG Balkans hit well, too, like… 29-year-old Welington Stinking Castillo (2 for 4). Ok, he’s a little old, too, but believe, be, there were really young Balkans … like Philip Grossman (age 26) who went 2 for 4 with a double, a homer, and a walk. Oh, and there was Corey Seager’s 1 for 2 with2 walks, and he’s only 22. And Balk are ahead of the Braves!
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Old Detroit Wolverines |
36 |
21 |
.636 |
— |
Baltimore Orioles |
34 |
23 |
.596 |
2.3 |
Boston Red Sox |
34 |
24 |
.586 |
2.8 |
Toronto Blue Jays |
31 |
29 |
.517 |
6.8 |
Flint Hill Tornadoes |
29 |
28 |
.517 |
6.8 |
New York Yankees |
28 |
30 |
.483 |
8.8 |
Tampa Bay Rays |
26 |
31 |
.456 |
10.3 |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Washington Nationals |
35 |
23 |
.603 |
— |
Canberra Kangaroos |
33 |
25 |
.572 |
1.8 |
New York Mets |
31 |
26 |
.544 |
3.5 |
Miami Marlins |
30 |
28 |
.517 |
5 |
Philadelphia Phillies |
29 |
30 |
.492 |
6.5 |
D.C. Balk |
16 |
42 |
.282 |
18.7 |
Atlanta Braves |
16 |
42 |
.276 |
19 |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Cleveland Indians |
32 |
25 |
.561 |
— |
Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
31 |
26 |
.542 |
1.1 |
Detroit Tigers |
30 |
28 |
.517 |
2.5 |
Kansas City Royals |
30 |
28 |
.517 |
2.5 |
Chicago White Sox |
29 |
29 |
.500 |
3.5 |
Minnesota Twins |
17 |
40 |
.298 |
15 |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Chicago Cubs |
40 |
17 |
.702 |
— |
Pittsburgh Pirates |
32 |
26 |
.552 |
8.5 |
St. Louis Cardinals |
30 |
28 |
.517 |
10.5 |
Milwaukee Brewers |
27 |
31 |
.466 |
13.5 |
Cottage Cheese |
25 |
32 |
.436 |
15.1 |
Cincinnati Reds |
22 |
36 |
.379 |
18.5 |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Texas Rangers |
36 |
22 |
.621 |
— |
Haviland Dragons |
34 |
24 |
.592 |
1.7 |
Seattle Mariners |
32 |
26 |
.552 |
4 |
Houston Astros |
28 |
32 |
.467 |
9 |
Los Angeles Angels |
26 |
32 |
.448 |
10 |
Oakland A’s |
25 |
33 |
.431 |
11 |
Kaline Drive |
22 |
36 |
.376 |
14.2 |
TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
Portland Rosebuds |
36 |
24 |
.593 |
— |
San Francisco Giants |
35 |
25 |
.583 |
0.6 |
Los Angeles Dodgers |
32 |
28 |
.533 |
3.6 |
Peshastin Pears |
28 |
32 |
.471 |
7.4 |
Colorado Rockies |
26 |
32 |
.448 |
8.6 |
Arizona Diamondbacks |
26 |
35 |
.426 |
10.1 |
San Diego Padres |
25 |
35 |
.417 |
10.6 |