The Wolveritis Ransomware Bug

 I confess: wolveritis — that nasty condition in which your offense can’t muster an OPS over .500 — is a ransomware bug. I confess it!  I have been assiduously infecting every EFL offense with wolveritis.  And look — it’s working! Look! Even Cheese couldn’t hit their way off a day old catering tray.

But I kind of messed up a couple of things: I don’t have a ransom demand — I don’t know anything about bitcoin.  Maybe a favorable trade?

But here’s the other thing I: I don’t know how to turn the wolveritis malware off!

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Cottage:  “W”, 1 – 4.  (.171, .286, .200;  10.3 ip, 5 er).  I could as easily have rounded Cottage’s 0.5 runs scored Friday down to 0 as up to 1 — but then the “W” would have been extra-awkward.  Just be aware: the Cheese winning percentage dropped .012 Friday.  Even though that 30 – 13 record LOOKS better than the Astros, the Astro winning percentage is slightly better than the Cheese.  And don’t tell Dave, but the pennant race has been tightening lately. You could argue that EIGHT EFL teams are now contenders for the title. EIGHT!  Sure, the Cheese are still a couple games ahead, but what are the odds that they can fight off all EIGHT of the EFL teams within striking distance?

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Kaline: L, 6 – 7. (.298, .388, .415;  3 ip, 2 er).  I suppose the Cheese could just hope the other teams don’t catch them.  Here are the Drive: fresh off their 1.8-game surge Thursday, the Drive couldn’t manage a win on Friday.  They still crept 0.2 games closer, but it could have been so much more.  If only Chris Owings ( 3 for 4 with two doubles) didn’t have to try to do everything himself.

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Flint Hill: L, 5 – 5.  (.261, .333, .478; 1 ip, 1 er). Anthony Zych couldn’t prevent the Tornadoes’ loss, either. Now look who is right on your tail!

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Haviland: W, 7 – 5.  (.276, .344 .552;  2 ip, 3 er). Jake Lamb homered twice to lead the Dragons to victory and a virtual tie with the Tornadoes. But that’s not all…

Pittsburgh: W, 11 – 4.  (.371, .463, .714; 7.3 ip, 3 er).  … the Alleghenys racked up probably the third biggest win in the EFL Friday.  Dansby Swanson led the way with two walks, a double and a homer in four plate appearances. So now the Tornadoes find themselves saddled with Dragons and about to be snuffed by an entire range of mountains.  In Friday morning’s post I demoted the Dragons and Alleghenys from their long-time status as EFL stars.  They took it like a pitch just behind the head. I have wakened the slumbering giants!  I am so sorry!

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Peshastin: W 1, L 1; 11 – 15. (.279 .367, .419;  6.7 ip, 3 er.) Here’s another thing I have to apologize for: I tried to help the Pear outfield by trading them Jackie Bradley.  But Bradley is still ridden with Wolveritis.  He went 0 for 3 with a walk yesterday, bringing his May line to .188, .278, .396.  The rest of the team picked up the slack, going .300, .364, .450.  But the pitcher I gave Peshastin, Trevor Williams, gave up 3 run in 5 innings, leaving the Pears scrambling to split the doubleheader.

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Portland: W 2, L 0; 12 – 5.  (.233, .395, .367; 7 ip, 2 er).  The Rosebuds spread their offense across their lineup — everyone reaching base safely at least once — to push past Canberra and nearly tie the Pears. Adding several innings of Jose Berrios’ 0.59 May ERA helped boost the Rosebuds significantly.

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Canberra: L, 6 – 9. (.292, .333, .521;  12.3 ip, 9 er).  Daniel Norris stumbled (5.7 ip, 5 er) and Wandy Peralta crashed in a fiery sextuple chulk (0.7 ip, 4 er) to keep the Kangaroos from also catching the Pears.

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Old Detroit: W, 4 – (-4).  (.258, .324, .323; 13.3 ip, 2 er).  The Wolverines had the best day in the EFL, for once.  The offense was so-so, and while the pitching was very good, it wasn’t historic.  But Matt Moore and Alex Wood ate up about  8 innings of replacement starting pitching.

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Oh, that reminds me of the other thing I need to apologize for: the pitcher I got in my trade with Phil was Alex Wood.  At the time he had only three starts under his belt for the Dodgers, two of which had been busts.  He was only going to start until Rich Hill got off the DL — for both the Dodgers and the Wolverines.  His first start for the W’s was also rough (4 er in 5 innings) but since then he hasn’t allowed an earned in his last three starts, covering 18.3 innings. Now he’s staying in the Dodger rotation, so he can continue being my May ace. Sure, a utilitarian would say there was no problem — that the good Phil lost is matched by the good I gained.  But why waste Wood’s wonders on the woeful Wolverines, when he could be pitching the Pears to the pennant?

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DC:  W, 11 – 3. (.424, .472, .848; 6 ip, 1 er).  The Wolverines have done some good for others: we left Jeremy Hellickson exposed in the expansion draft, and he pitched a strong 6 innings yesterday to help propel the Balk to a win.  Also, we let Welington Castillo escape so he could find his way to the Balk and  (eventually) blast two homers in Friday’s game.