Comparative Consolation

EFL Standings for 2017

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Cottage:  L, 4 – 5.  (.250, .333, .281; 18 ip, 7 er). Ok, you lost Danny Duffy and the Best Player in Baseball, Mike Trout.  At least you’ve still got the Second Best Player in Baseball:  Bryce Harper. Sure, he went 0 for 5 yesterday while his Nationals teammates collected 14 hits, but you can count on him to carry the team until Trout gets back.  Right?

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Haviland:  W, 8 – 4. (.286, .355, .643; 4.3 ip, 1 er). So maybe Bryce Harper isn’t 100.000% reliable. What’s a little 4 game suspension? I suppose it might loom a little larger now that the Cheese lead has been sliced to less than a game.  So here’s a little more consolation for the league leaders:  the Dragons lost pitcher Vincent Velasquez to the disabled list yesterday.  True, Velasquez’ ERA on the season is 5.58, but that’s the part about this that consoles the Dragons.  So it’s remarkable win-win situation, offering consolation to both the Dragons and the Cheese, the two EFL teams in such desperate need of consoling.

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Flint Hill: W 2, L (-1); 12 – (-2). (.600, .667, .800; 10.3 ip, 0 er).  There are only 24 plate appearances in that batting line, at least 6 short of what the Tornadoes needed to ward off replacements. But there might be some consolation in what the Tornados did with those 24 plate appearances: 12 for 20 with a double, a homer , and 4 walks. Anthony Zych gave up a hit to the only batter he faced, but perhaps the distraught Tornado fans can take comfort in knowing Robbie Ray hurled a complete game shutout, and Corey Knebel chipped in 1.3 scoreless innings. If that’s not enough consolation, how about gaining three spots in the standings in a single day?

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Pittsburgh: “W”, 3 – 4. (.274, .326, .425; 0.7 ip, o er.e3)  Ok, Tuesday was rough for the Alleghenys who started the day in third place, “won” their game, and wound up in fourth place. How can this be borne by those poor, newly eroded Alleghenys? Well, there’s this: EWIE Altuve went 4 for 5. And while they slipped to fourth in the standings, they gained 0.1 games on the league leading Cheese.

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Kaline: L, 6 – 7. (.354, .404, .542;  1.3 ip, 0 er) The Drive slipped a notch into  5th place, which probably didn’t go down to well in Kaline.  Neither did the lack of pitching, meaning the Drive were saddled with nearly 7 innings of additional replacement pitching. But look at that offense!  That’s 52 plate appearances worth of Edgar Martinez level production!  I know some teams who would give their left arm — or at least, one of their player’s left arm — for an offense like that.  Come to think of it, the Wolverines have been sacrificing pitchers’ arms at a rate of about 1 per week all season.  When are we going to get two games’ worth of Edgar Martinez in a single day?  So there’s two consolations in one event: seeing Edgar embodied in your team’s work, and knowing you have something others (especially the Wolverines) really wish they could have.

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Peshastin: W 1, L (-1); 3 – (-6). (.314, .364, .510;  2.7 ip, 2 er). I know Jackie Bradley Jr. has had a little trouble getting going.  So while Alex Wood was magically transformed into the ace of the Wolverines the second he was traded, JBJ wasn’t hitting.  But yesterday Bradley went 2 for 3 with a double, a homer and two walks to lead the powerful Pears in pummeling opposing pitchers.  Bradley will be worth every bit of what Starling Marte was supposed to be worth, without the PEDs.  Oh, and Wood is on the DL at the moment…  (I don’t know how the Pears shaved 6 runs off their runs allowed on an off day with a pitcher giving up 2 runs in 2.7 ip.  I’ve looked into it a little.  I suspect someone got cut off the Pears stat line yesterday and wasn’t cut off today — possibly Carlos Carrasco.  The statistics I entered all look in order today.)

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Portland: W (-1), L 1; 0 – 5. (.220, .333, .415; 10 ip, 9 er).  Chris Sale stank (5 ip, 5 er). Jose Berrios was only slightly better (5 ip, 4 er).  The offense was so-so.  Not much here to console any discouraged Rosebud fanatics. I think I could be consoled, though, if I looked at my team’s May stats and founf four hitters OPSing over 1.000: a first baseman, sure (Goldschmidt at 1.001 OPS) but also a third baseman (Rendon, 1.028), a catcher (Iannetta, 1.110) and a shortstop (Correa, 1.107).  Plus the ‘Buds have a guy at .998 OPS for the month (OF Dickerson), and three with OPSes in the high .800’s (catcher Chris Herrmann and OFs Mookie Betts and Keon Broxton).  That’s 8 batters with better Mays than any uninjured Wolverine.

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Canberra: W, 7 – 4. (.317 , .383, .488;  2 ip, 1 er).  There’s a goldmine of consolation there: however bad your team is, it’s probably better than the Wolverines.  This may be the new mission of the Wolverines: to be so pitiful that other teams can go through their days consoled that at least they aren’t as bad as the Wolverines.  The Kangaroos, for example, find themselves back in 8th place only a few days after having leapt all the way into 5th. But they hit better than the W’s yesterday, and their pitching was better, too, in the fact that it existed.  Also — the Kangaroos in 8th place are closer to the Cheese in first (6.8 games away) than they are to the Wolverines in 9th (7.0 games away).

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Old Detroit: L, 4 – 7. (.222, .300, .556;  no pitching).  I suppose consolation could be built on the tiny mirages of hope I see in yesterday’s numbers: Austin Hedges clouting a homer and a double in 4 ABs. Kyle Schwarber hitting a homer, and only striking out once. Christian Yelich walking and doubling. If only they could keep doing that… then I could have six or seven healthy, useful players!

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DC: W, 5 – 5. (.286, .286, .476; 7.7 ip 3 er).  Competent pitching enough to deter replacements, and fair hitting, combined to give the Balk a ver narrow victory.  If recent trends continue, the Balk could well be consoling themselves by celebrating the relegation of the once-mighty Wolverines to the cellar beneath Balkan feet.

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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017