Anthony Rizzo led off for the first time in his career Tuesday — and hit a homer on the way to a 2 for 4 game. So he led off again last night. And hit another homer, this time on the first pitch of the game.
“I’m statistically the greatest leadoff hitter of all time,” Rizzo said after the game, as quoted by MLB.com’s Carrie Muskat. “I’d like to retire there and talk smack to everyone who tries to do it… Statistically, by the books, to lead off the game, I’m the best ever is (sic), right now.”
I am a vortex of confusion about this. On one hand I love it, since I am a big Rizzo fan, dating back to the patient persistence I applied to talk Dan Brown into trading him to me for Andrew Cashner before the 2013 season, while Rizzo was still finding himself. I also appreciate Rizzo’s perceptive perspective on where this leaves him compared to Rickey Henderson. (Rizzo as a leadoff hitter: .333, .400, 1.111, 0 cs; Henderson for full career: .279, .401, .414, 325 cs) . That he’s doing this for the Cubs is a nice touch, since I haven’t started resenting the Cubs yet, especially since they have somehow avoided dominating this year like they were supposed to. (See Schwarber, Kyle.)
But he’s also doing it for the Dragons, who were supposed to be in the middle of the pack, not running away with their third EFL championship in a row, the one that ties them with the Wolverines all-time. That’s all wrong, a painful and garish misalignment in the cosmos. Rizzo should be a Wolverine. I need to find a way to liberate him and bring him home… I wonder if I could get everyone to agree to an elegant rule change.
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EFL Standings for 2017
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
RS |
RA |
| Haviland Dragons |
46 |
21 |
.688 |
— |
439.0 |
290.1 |
| Cottage Cheese |
44 |
23 |
.650 |
2.6 |
361.1 |
261.1 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
39 |
23 |
.635 |
4.2 |
346.1 |
258.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
40 |
23 |
.634 |
4.2 |
302.8 |
229.4 |
| Kaline Drive |
40 |
27 |
.599 |
6 |
347.9 |
284.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds |
39 |
27 |
.595 |
6.3 |
375.6 |
300.1 |
| Peshastin Pears |
37 |
29 |
.568 |
8.1 |
320.6 |
284.9 |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
32 |
33 |
.489 |
13.3 |
303.8 |
309.1 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
27 |
36 |
.426 |
17.3 |
254.9 |
297.6 |
| D.C. Balk |
25 |
40 |
.390 |
19.8 |
318.5 |
400.5 |
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Haviland: W, 16 – 7. (.500, .564, .824; 6 ip, 5 er). I have been struggling all season to understand how the Dragons are doing this. Frankly, I don’t know. I’m back to voodoo as my favorite theory. How else to you explain Eric Young suddenly turning into Mike Trout Lite (.302, .412, .488 in June)? Doesn’t it look like someone stole Mike Trout’s soul and gave it to the Dragons inhabiting a random marginal big-league body? And here’s a thought: when Mike Trout comes back and “Eric Young” is released from the spell, will Young remember what it’s like being Mike Trout for two months?
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Cottage: “W”, 3 – 7. (.225, .279, .350 — nope, no Edgar Martinez Day here. 0.7 ip, 0 er). A great win, isn’t it, when it leaves you 0.8 games further behind the leader? The Cheese need to hang in there so they’re still in range when Mike Trout returns.
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Pittsburgh: “L”, 9 – 6. (.283, .361, .491; 4.3 ip, 3 er). A very nice day at the plate made even nicer by representing 60 plate appearances. Jake Odorizzi’s 4.3 crummy innings weren’t enough to ruin the day since both Jose Altuve (3 for 3 with 2 doubles and a walk) and Michael Brantley (2 for 2 with two doubles and a walk) had perfect days at the plate (unless you call Brantley’s sacrifice fly a flaw).
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Flint Hill: L, 5 – 7. (.250, .333, .406; 5 ip, 3 er). Byron Buxton feasted on Mariners pitching (3 for 3, double, homer, walk, 2 sb) but it wasn’t enough for either the Twins or the Tornados. Brian Johnson continued his fall from grace with a 2.7 ip, 3 er outing that ended with an injury concern.
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Kaline: W, 7 – 2. (.345, .387, .534; 10.0 ip, 3 er). The Drive had a very nice day, managing to keep pace with the Dragons, which is fine and all but the Drive are 6 games back and need to GAIN on the Dragons. Zunino homered again — his 5th in June, part of a .366, .413, .780 month for him. Go Zunino! Ben Gamel made a sensational catch to help preserve the day for the M’s — although I doubt the much-better Drive would have needed that catch to win.
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Portland: W, 11 – 5. (.361, .395, .806; 19.0 ip, 8 er). Finally, a team kept pace with the Dragons — and actually gained 0.2 games. Johnny Cueto had a rough day (5.7 ip, 5 er) but he was rescued by the youngsters German Marquez (22 years old, 5 ip, 1 er) and Amir Garrett ( 25 years old, 6 ip, 2 er), the latter of whom seems to have arisen from the dead… does voodoo run in the family? By the way — have you noticed how Wednesday didn’t feature a single Edgar Martinez Day so far despite coming very close several times?
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Peshastin: “L” 5 – 3. (.238, .333, .500; 10 ip, 4 er). Another team building a (furtive) win as much on pitching as hitting. Gaviglio struggled a little (4 er in 5.3 ip) but Delgado and Pazos finished up with 4.7 clear innings. Mitch Haniger continued his explosive return to action with a homer, a hbp, and a walk in 4 plate appearances.
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Canberra: W, 7 – 2. (.429, .409, .810 — At last! Happy Edgar Martine Day!; 6 ip 1 er) The ‘Roos kept pace with the Dragons with the only EMD of the day, and strong pitching from Taijuan Walker and Wandy Peralta. Taijuan. Wandy. Alas, I gave my boys boring names like Ryan, Ben, Sam… what a wasted opportunity. Why not Ryjuan? Or Bendy? I tried to sneak “Samwise” past Melanie, but she somehow caught it.
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Old Detroit: W, 3 – 1. (.278, .333, .389; 15.o ip, 4 er). Schwarber did manage 2 for 4 with a homer — sort of a Rizzo light. I think this is the first Wolverine winning streak of the season. We’ll fix that: we’ll demote LeBlanc based on his 11.37 May ERA. And we’ll activate Liriano because he had one good outing yesterday (7 ip, 2 er). What possibly could go wrong?
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DC: L, 3 – 9. (.219, .257, .406; 14.o ip, 12 er). There’s a reason the Wolverines and Balk linger abottom the standings: we can’t string together enough good days to stay afloat. The Balk have had some very nice days lately, but we bottom-dwellers will uncork stinkers way too often. None of the Balk’s three starters did well, but the worst was former Wolverine Jeremy Hellickson: 5 ip, 6 er.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
40 |
23 |
.634 |
— |
| New York Yankees |
38 |
25 |
.603 |
1.9 |
| Boston Red Sox |
37 |
28 |
.569 |
3.9 |
| Tampa Bay Rays |
35 |
33 |
.515 |
7.4 |
| Baltimore Orioles |
32 |
32 |
.500 |
8.4 |
| Toronto Blue Jays |
32 |
33 |
.492 |
8.9 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
27 |
36 |
.426 |
13.1 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Washington Nationals |
39 |
26 |
.600 |
— |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
32 |
33 |
.489 |
7.2 |
| New York Mets |
30 |
34 |
.469 |
8.5 |
| Miami Marlins |
29 |
35 |
.453 |
9.5 |
| Atlanta Braves |
29 |
36 |
.446 |
10 |
| D.C. Balk |
25 |
40 |
.390 |
13.7 |
| Philadelphia Phillies |
21 |
43 |
.328 |
17.5 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
39 |
23 |
.635 |
— |
| Minnesota Twins |
33 |
29 |
.532 |
6.4 |
| Cleveland Indians |
31 |
31 |
.500 |
8.4 |
| Detroit Tigers |
30 |
34 |
.469 |
10.4 |
| Kansas City Royals |
30 |
34 |
.469 |
10.4 |
| Chicago White Sox |
28 |
36 |
.438 |
12.4 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Cottage Cheese |
44 |
23 |
.650 |
— |
| Milwaukee Brewers |
35 |
32 |
.522 |
8.5 |
| Chicago Cubs |
32 |
33 |
.492 |
10.5 |
| St. Louis Cardinals |
30 |
34 |
.469 |
12 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates |
30 |
36 |
.455 |
13 |
| Cincinnati Reds |
29 |
36 |
.446 |
13.5 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Haviland Dragons |
46 |
21 |
.688 |
— |
| Houston Astros |
45 |
22 |
.672 |
1.1 |
| Kaline Drive |
40 |
27 |
.599 |
6 |
| Los Angeles Angels |
35 |
34 |
.507 |
12.1 |
| Seattle Mariners |
33 |
34 |
.493 |
13.1 |
| Texas Rangers |
32 |
33 |
.492 |
13.1 |
| Oakland A’s |
27 |
38 |
.415 |
18.1 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Los Angeles Dodgers |
41 |
25 |
.621 |
— |
| Colorado Rockies |
42 |
26 |
.618 |
— |
| Arizona Diamondbacks |
41 |
26 |
.612 |
0.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds |
39 |
27 |
.595 |
1.7 |
| Peshastin Pears |
37 |
29 |
.568 |
3.5 |
| San Francisco Giants |
27 |
40 |
.403 |
14.5 |
| San Diego Padres |
26 |
41 |
.388 |
15.5 |
