Did you study the featured image? Here, look at it again:
This is how September has looked to the Alleghenys. Sure, that Tornado is scary looking. But it’s off at a safe distance. You might want to keep an eye on it, but it needn’t interfere with the day’s plans.
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EFL Standings for 2017
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 112 | 46 | .711 | — | 936.4 | 584.8 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 103 | 55 | .655 | 8.9 | 812.9 | 589.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 101 | 57 | .642 | 11 | 917.1 | 683.7 |
| Cottage Cheese | 96 | 62 | .607 | 16.5 | 837.6 | 668.6 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 93 | 66 | .585 | 19.8 | 894.4 | 740.3 |
| Kaline Drive | 91 | 67 | .575 | 21.6 | 813.7 | 697.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 87 | 72 | .550 | 25.4 | 786.9 | 719.4 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 82 | 76 | .520 | 30.2 | 778.1 | 733.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 77 | 81 | .486 | 35.6 | 766.5 | 790.3 |
| D.C. Balk | 61 | 97 | .386 | 51.4 | 755.3 | 954.2 |
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Pittsburgh: W 1, L 1; 11 – 9. (.229, .304, .443; 16 ip, 12 er). The Alleghenys are eroding! They’ve lost 4 of their last 14 games! Their winning percentage is down .001 in the last two days! At their current .711 winning percentage they’re projected to finish with only 115 wins — actually about 115.35. If we project the last six games at their sagging .856 September winning percentage they’d end up at about 15.55 wins. That would round up to 116, appearing to tie the 2001 Mariners, but we’d all know better. The Commissioner would see to it.
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Flint Hill: W 1, L 1; 8 – 5. (.244, .286, .397; 24 ip, 8 er). The Tornados are not moving toward the A’s. Why not? Is it the fearsome wooden fence? The lawnmower? Perhaps they have given up on the season? I do have a bit of evidence in the form of this plaintive missive I received from the Flint Hill front office at 10:29 pm Tuesday:
Not that I’m expecting it soon or even before the turn of the year, but I just have to know when you generally plan to update defenses because I can’t wait to see what Buxton’s new rating will be! 😳
Apparently Byron Buxton made a spectacular catch Tuesday evening. But note the emoji. Here. Let’s make it bigger so you can see it better:
What is it? Is it pleading? Terrified? Did it just glance over the back fence and see a huge tornado? Not the latter — the note was written by a Tornado. I think it’s the face of a man who sees the end of the baseball season approaching, and after that the Abyss stretching out apparently forever. This is the look of utter despair. I guess I’m not the only one who’s got it bad.
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Haviland: W 1, L 1; 17 – 12. (.304, .429, .551; 13.3 ip, 11 er). Of nine Dragon pitchers, only two chulked. John Brebbia triple chulked (0.7 ip, 2 er) while Jeff Hoffman infinitely chulked (0 ip, 4 er).
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Cottage: W 2, L 0; 18 – 10. (.308, .383, .589; 18.7 ip, 8 er). Nine Cheeses OPSed over 1.000 the last two days. Three Cheese starters completed 6 innings with various outcomes but the net result was a solid 3.86 ERA on the day.
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Portland: W 0, L 2; 13 – 25. (.270, .345, .541; 24.3 ip, 25 er). Yikes about the 25 earned runs allowed . That much of a 9.25 ERA will make a dent in anyone’s records. Consolation comes as Carlos Correa clouting 7 hits in 10 A, with 3 doubles.
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Kaline: W 2, L 0; 18 – 10. (.317, .417, .549)a — Happy Edgar Martinez Day!; 11.3 ip, 5 er). Aaron Judge didn’t hit any homers these last two days but in his 9 plate appearances he had two doubles and four walks. That’ll do.
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Peshastin: W 1, L 1; 3 – 2. (.202, .242, .298; 14.3 ip, 1 er). The Pears spread 17 hits out over 84 plate appearances, striking out 26 times. Fortunately Pear pitchers picked up most of the slack.
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Old Detroit: W 0, L 2; 12 – 15. (.299, .249, .468; 21.7 ip, 15 er). On Tuesday, Matt Moore endured through 1.3 innings, giving up only 7 earned runs for a nice quintuple chulk. Alex Wood and Emilio Pagan cleaned up after Moore wit 7.7 ip, 2 er to bring the daily ERA down to 9.0. Wednesday repeated the pattern. Clayton Richard surrendered 6 er in 5 ip, but Rich Hill (pitching in the same game) turned in 7 scoreless innings and Shane Greene added another 0.7, to get the daily ERA under 4.50. So, yeah, we here in Old Detroit are celebrating not stinking too bad. But this is the EFL — having 82 wins with four games to go does not guarantee we’ll finish above .500, so there is still some anxiety among Wolverines fans.
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Canberra: W 1, L 1; 17 – 18. (.382, .417, .618 — happy Edgar Martinez Day!; 12.7 ip, 11 er). The Cane Gurus (in case you couldn’t decipher my pun the other day) continue the theme of bad pitching betraying good hitting. Half the Canberra hitters OPSed over 1.000, but Blake Snell quadruple chulked (1 ip, 4 er) and Rick Porcello struggled (5.7 ip, 5 er).
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DC: W 1, L 1; 9 – 13. (.261, .321, .577; 18.3 ip, 11 er). Sam Dyson nonuple chulked (0.3 ip, 3 er), taking a loss and ending the season as he began it.
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| ORIGINAL ORDER | CURRENT ORDER 1st RD | Draft Pos |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | Peshastin Pears | 30 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | Flint Hill | 29 |
| Haviland Dragons | Portland Rosebuds | 28 |
| Cottage Cheese | Old Detritus Woeverines | 26 (+1 grr) |
| Portland Rosebuds | Old Detritus Woeverines | 24 |
| Kaline Drive | Peshastin Pears | 22 |
| Peshastin Pears | Kaline Drive | 20 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | Peshastin Pears | 17 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | Canberra Kangaroos | 14 (+2) |
| D.C. Balk | DC Balk | 1 |
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 103 | 55 | .655 | — |
| Boston Red Sox | 92 | 66 | .582 | 11.4 |
| New York Yankees | 89 | 69 | .563 | 14.4 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 82 | 76 | .520 | 21.2 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 76 | 82 | .481 | 27.4 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 75 | 84 | .472 | 28.9 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 75 | 84 | .472 | 28.9 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Washington Nationals | 95 | 63 | .601 | — |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 77 | 81 | .486 | 18.2 |
| Miami Marlins | 74 | 84 | .468 | 21 |
| Atlanta Braves | 71 | 87 | .449 | 24 |
| New York Mets | 69 | 90 | .434 | 26.5 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 64 | 95 | .403 | 31.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 61 | 97 | .386 | 34 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 112 | 46 | .711 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 99 | 59 | .627 | 13.4 |
| Minnesota Twins | 83 | 75 | .525 | 29.4 |
| Kansas City Royals | 78 | 80 | .494 | 34.4 |
| Chicago White Sox | 65 | 93 | .411 | 47.4 |
| Detroit Tigers | 62 | 96 | .392 | 50.4 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Cottage Cheese | 96 | 62 | .607 | — |
| Chicago Cubs | 89 | 69 | .563 | 6.9 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 83 | 75 | .525 | 12.9 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 82 | 76 | .519 | 13.9 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 73 | 85 | .462 | 22.9 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 67 | 91 | .424 | 28.9 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Haviland Dragons | 101 | 57 | .642 | — |
| Houston Astros | 98 | 60 | .620 | 3.4 |
| Kaline Drive | 91 | 67 | .575 | 10.6 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 78 | 80 | .494 | 23.4 |
| Seattle Mariners | 77 | 82 | .484 | 24.9 |
| Texas Rangers | 76 | 82 | .481 | 25.4 |
| Oakland A’s | 73 | 85 | .462 | 28.4 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 102 | 57 | .642 | — |
| Portland Rosebuds | 93 | 66 | .585 | 9 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 92 | 67 | .579 | 10 |
| Peshastin Pears | 87 | 72 | .550 | 14.6 |
| Colorado Rockies | 86 | 73 | .541 | 16 |
| San Diego Padres | 70 | 89 | .440 | 32 |
| San Francisco Giants | 62 | 97 | .390 | 40 |