The Outbreak

EFL
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB	RS	RA
Brookland Outs	28	17	.630	—	249.1	192.3
Old Detroit Wolverines	24	17	.590	2.2	177.0	147.7
Canberra Kangaroos	25	18	.583	2.3	195.2	165.2
Portland Rosebuds	25	19	.568	2.9	202.9	176.1
Flint Hill Tornadoes	21	20	.522	5	173.6	165.8
Kaline Drive	24	22	.512	5.3	209.7	205.7
Cottage Cheese	23	22	.511	5.4	237.4	231.4
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	20	23	.472	7.1	226.9	242.3
Peshastin Pears	19	25	.440	8.5	188.5	216.1
Haviland Dragons	20	26	.435	8.9	183.4	208.4
D.C. Balk	17	26	.407	9.9	170.1	206.7

Brookland: W 1, L 1; 17 – 9. (.422, .491, .733; 19 ip, 8 er)  I advised the Outs just four days ago not to make any sudden, rabid lunges toward first place.  For a day they listened. Then on Wednesday they surged 2 full games in the standings to leap ahead. They slowed on Thursday, padding their lead only 0.2 games.  But then this absolutely volcanic eruption yesterday.  Seven Outs OPSed over 1.000.  The LOWEST of the seven was Daniel Descalso (1.250) who is in the process of taking Nick Ahmed’s job away.  The highest was Dustin Fowler’s 2.750 (2 for 3 with a double, a homer and a walk — and a stolen base). These guys are human (?) volcanic eruptions!

Old Detroit: W, 6 – 3. (.297, .366, .459; 0 pitching). I was proud of my team’s modest offensive achievements yesterday, because they were such an improvement over what they’ve been doing lately.  Five guys OPSing 1.000 or better! Wong and Contreras: 1.000.  Ohtani and Schwarber: 1.167.  All the way up to Mallex Smith’s 1.200 OPS (3 for 5) — plus his stolen base!  Then I saw Brookland’s Outs-tanding offensive numbers, Outsclassing mine by miles. My five  guys would have been numbers 8 – 12 among the Outs’ team leaders.  Suddenly my team’s work seems  amateurish, tawdry, almost buffoonish. Showoffs! That’s who they are. At least my team ERA is still better than theirs.  For now.

Canberra:  W, 7 – 3. (.357, .419 .429; 7.7 ip, 2 er). Almost alone among the merely mortal EFLers, the Kangaroos nearly kept up with the Outs yesterday, dropping a mere 0.1 games further behind. Their fine offense looks puny next to Brookland’s — Michael  Conforto’s team leading 4 for 4 (2.000 OPS) would have been a respectable 4th best among the Outs’ outbursts — but  Canberran pitching was better.

Portland: W, 5 – 3.  (.257, .341, .429; 1.3 ip, 0 er). Mookie Betts ( a homer and two doubles in 5 AB) is almost as good as the second best Out, and just a little better than 3rd-best Christian Arroyo (2.133 OPS), according to Friday’s results.  Rosebud fans can take pride in how Jonathan Villar is blossoming this season (3 for 4 with a double yesterday),  moving his May OPS up to .931 — one of six Rosebuds OPSing over .900 for the month.  It’s time, O Rosebuds and Kangaroos, for all of us in this tier behind the Outs to put our heads together and figure out how we can each help the other.  Look for inefficiencies — surplusses here, shortages there.  The Roos and the Rosebuds are no longer my chief fears, and the Woeverines should no longer be yours.  I have extra pitchers.  Canberra could use a pitcher.  Old Detroit could use one of the Rosebuds’ duplicate second-basemen.  What can Portland use that the Kangaroos have in surplus?

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So it is that the Outs might inadvertently be the catalyst for peacemaking and cooperation among their competitors.

Flint Hill: “L”, 1 – 0. (.160, .154, .160; 16.7 ip, 3 er).  With their offense well under replacement-level water, the Tornados relied on their pitching to stay afloat yesterday.  Charlie Morton and Tyson Ross combined for 13 ip and 3 earned runs allowed, and a trio of relievers provided 3.7 scoreless innings.

Kaline : “W”, 1 – 4.   (.205, .222, .341; 7.3 ip, 3 er).   The Drive walked a fine line yesterday. Drive Michael Fulmer shut down the Mariners for 6 innings, but then the tide began to rise in the 7th, so the Wizard got Fulmer out of there before he had totally trashed his ERA (6.3 ip, 3 er); Unfortunately, Fulmer got almost no support from his Drive teammates.

Cottage: W 1, L 1; 14 – 12. (.333, .452, 1.000; 6 ip, 2 er). The Cheese had a very good day at the plate, with Max Kepler’s 3.750 OPS  (2 for 2 with a double, homer and walk) dwarfing even the highest Outcropping in Brookland. But it still didn’t match the Outs’ outcome, because the Cheese only had 30 plate appearances for their doubleheader compared to the Outs’ 52 plate appearances.

Pittsburgh: “L”, 5 – 5. (.321, .387, .429; 6.7 ip, 3 er).  Don’t let anyone belittle the nice day your team had, Alleghenys. Don’t let them tease you about the 400% of total playing time you have stacked on 1b, meaning about 1/4 of Jurickson Profar’s 2 for 4 with a HBP yesterday went to waste.  Jurickson Profar has been super inefficient his whole career; you’re getting more out of him than most of us have.  And when you get down to it, Brookland is only doing what the Alleghenys have done so many times: come roaring from behind and taking over the race.  They are doing it much faster than you ever did — much earlier in their history, and much quicker in the moment — but they re, after all, still only Allegheny wanna-bes.

Peshastin: W, 7 – 1. (.345, .441, .517;  11.3 ip, 2 er).  The Pears are the only team in the EFL to gain on the Outs yesterday.  Half their lineup (ie, 4 players) OPSed 1.400 or better, including the improbable Jose Iglesias (2 for 3 with a walk). Dan Straily also pitched 7 shutout innings. Whatever the Outs are, they don’t scare the Pears.

Haviland: L, 2 – 8.  (.143, .234, .190; 0 pitching).  The Dragons are a mystery, pretty much the opposite mystery from the Outs. I did forget to do the Lamb transaction yesterday — I can do it today, it won’t change anything being late, and it still won’t rescue the Dragons from their inexplicable doldrums. It’s almost like the Outs have taken all of the Dragon mojo in the expansion draft or something.  They don’t seem to have any notable former Dragon players. Did they somehow draft the Dragons’ soul? Are the Outs mojo vampires?

DC: L, 9 – 10. (.478, .519, .609;  15.7 ip 14 er). If only the Balk had contented themselves with this Outstanding hitting, almost the equal of Brookland’s! Sending only 8 men to the plate, the Balk had 5 of them OPSing 1.250 or better. (Granted, Matt Chapman’s 3.000 OPS was only a pinch-hit double, and Jorge Alfaro’s 3.000 was only a double and a walk in 2 plate appearances.)  26 plate appearances is almost enough for one game. But the Balk were too ambitious.  They also put up 15.7 innings of what turned out to he awful pitching. The awfullest was Carson Fulmer’s huge quadruple chulk (2 ip, 8 er), the worst Balkan pitching since Dylan Bundy’s historic 0 ip, 7 er outing on May 8th.

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AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
New York Yankees	28	13	.683	—
Boston Red Sox	30	15	.667	—
Old Detroit Wolverines	24	17	.590	3.8
Flint Hill Tornadoes	21	20	.522	6.6
Toronto Blue Jays	22	23	.489	8
Tampa Bay Rays	21	22	.488	8
Baltimore Orioles	14	30	.318	15.5

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Atlanta Braves	26	17	.605	—
Philadelphia Phillies	25	17	.595	0.5
Canberra Kangaroos	25	18	.583	0.9
Washington Nationals	24	18	.571	1.5
New York Mets	21	19	.525	3.5
D.C. Balk	17	26	.407	8.5
Miami Marlins	17	27	.386	9.5

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cleveland Indians	21	22	.488	—
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	20	23	.472	0.7
Detroit Tigers	20	24	.455	1.5
Minnesota Twins	18	22	.450	1.5
Kansas City Royals	14	30	.318	7.5
Chicago White Sox	11	30	.268	9

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Brookland Outs	28	17	.630	—
Milwaukee Brewers	27	18	.600	1.4
Pittsburgh Pirates	26	18	.591	1.9
St. Louis Cardinals	24	18	.571	2.9
Chicago Cubs	23	18	.561	3.4
Cottage Cheese	23	22	.511	5.4
Cincinnati Reds	15	30	.333	13.4

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Houston Astros	29	17	.630	—
Seattle Mariners	25	19	.568	3
Los Angeles Angels	25	20	.556	3.5
Kaline Drive	24	22	.512	5.5
Oakland A’s	23	22	.511	5.5
Haviland Dragons	20	26	.435	9
Texas Rangers	18	28	.391	11

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Arizona Diamondbacks	25	19	.568	—
Portland Rosebuds	25	19	.568	—
Colorado Rockies	25	20	.556	0.5
San Francisco Giants	22	24	.478	4
Peshastin Pears	19	25	.440	5.6
Los Angeles Dodgers	17	26	.395	7.5
San Diego Padres	18	28	.391	8