Nobody’s Fool

EFL
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB	RS	RA
Portland Rosebuds	54	29	.645	—	491.0	364.0
Flint Hill Tornadoes	50	30	.621	2.4	501.9	389.5
Old Detroit Wolverines	46	34	.572	6.3	474.9	406.5
Peshastin Pears	42	41	.512	11.1	436.7	427.9
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	40	40	.504	11.7	389.0	383.9
Kaline Drive	40	42	.488	13.1	358.8	368.9
Canberra Kangaroos	39	43	.480	13.7	443.0	469.5
Haviland Dragons	39	43	.471	14.4	415.5	437.8
Cottage Cheese	38	43	.470	14.5	468.0	489.9
Bellingham Cascades	34	46	.431	17.6	387.6	449.7
Brookland Outs	32	49	.399	20.2	398.9	492.0
D.C. Balk	29	53	.358	23.7	347.7	465.8

I bet there are a lot of things you never realized about Nobody. For example, Nobody is very opinionated about the EFL race! Nobody is rooting for the Rosebuds this year.  Nobody thinks we should go back to the days when the same team keeps winning the championship year after year. Nobody  bemoans that blast of bad pitching from Brad Peacock (3 ip, 6 er), outdoing even Walker Buehler. Kevin Newman kept things from being much worse by providing 1/3 of the team’s hits, and 4/5 of the team’s extra bases, with his 3 for 5 with a double and a homer.  Nobody rejoiced to see those heroics.  Given all this support the Rosebuds are getting, I expect someday to see this headline in the Oregonian:  “Nobody Named Rosebuds’ Fan of the Year.”

Flint Hill: DNP, (-8) – (-1). (33 PA, .091, .091, .121;  1.7 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA).

I wondered how a team could lose 8 runs on a day off.  I thought Nobody could do it, but Flint Hill figured it out:

Step 1:  Get a full game’s worth of plate appearances, and more.

Step 2: Go 3 for 33 with one extra base and no walks.

You lower your team’s monthly runs created per game rate enough to lower your monthly run total.

If you looked at Old Detroit’s offense yesterday, led by Max Muncy’s 3 for 4 with a double, two homers, and a walk, you might think Nobody could beat the Wolverines. But if you look at that pitching line comprising Buehler’s mess with more of the same from Dereck Rodriguez in “relief” (and also in Toledo),  you’d think Nobody would lose to them.  But here’s a secret: it’s possible for Nobody to do both! At the same time!

Now that you know Nobody has superpowers to do the impossible, you should have a new perspective on Joey Gallo’s emergence as a near superstar this season, including his 2 for 3 with two homers and a walk Thursday. Nobody expected this to happen. Mr. Pear, who HOPED it would, did not EXPECT it to. So beware: Nobody is smarter than Mr. Pear.

Pittsburgh: L, 6 – 7. (33 PA, .290, .333, .548; 8 ip, 6 er, 6.75 ERA).

Of course, Nobody has more EFL championships than the Alleghenys. Nobody is predicting another one this year. Nobody is getting tired of these Nobody jokes by now. Shall I tell you about Kurt Suzuki’s day (2 for 4 with a double and homer? Or his .991 OPS June — where did that come from?

Nobody can stand 12 straight team updates on the theme of  “Nobody.” So for Everybody’s sake, I’ll give it a break. What stands out in the Drive stats? Probably Orlando Arcia’s homer.  I never thought of him as a power hitter, but he has 11 so far this season.

Craig Kimbel made his Canberra debut (I believe) and turned in a scoreless inning.  So did Blake Parker. But Ryne Harper served up 3 runs in his one inning.

Martin Perez put together 7 fine innings, but Bryse Wilson muddied everything up with 4.3 ip, 4 er.

The last three Cheese on the list of those who appeared Thursday  — Eric Thames, Alex Verdugo, and Shohei Ohtani — all slugged exactly 1.000 (Thames: two doubles in 4 AB; Verdug0: A single and a double in 5 AB; Ohtani: a homer in 4 AB), which creates two things to notice:  an impressive SLG column with three 1.000 in a row; and a question:  Who at Baseball Prospectus believes Ohtani comes after Verdugo in alphabetic order?  Who?  There an only be one answer… Nobody!  (Break’s over.)

We’ve learned a couple of things about Nobody here today.  First, Nobody has the superpower to make impossible things happen.  Also, Nobody clearly works at BP because Nobody definitely would alphabetize Ohtani after Verdugo.  What more can we learn from Bellingham’s day? Ronald Acuna did not rest on his All-Star Game starter laurels. Instead he went 1 for 3 with a double and a HBP.

Cody Bellinger also celebrated his ASG selection with a fitting 2 for 4 with a homer and a walk to lead the Outs t0… a less ignominious loss.

On Thursday not one EFL team got a clean victory.  Only the 4th place Pears and the 12th place Outs deserved a win. In the Outs’ case, the key was Joe Musgrove’s 6 scoreless innings.

AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
New York Yankees	52	28	.650	—
Flint Hill Tornadoes	50	30	.621	2.3
Old Detroit Wolverines	46	34	.572	6.3
Tampa Bay Rays	46	35	.568	6.5
Boston Red Sox	44	38	.537	9
Toronto Blue Jays	29	52	.358	23.5
Baltimore Orioles	22	58	.275	30

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Atlanta Braves	48	34	.585	—
Philadelphia Phillies	43	38	.531	4.5
Washington Nationals	40	40	.500	7
Canberra Kangaroos	39	43	.480	8.6
New York Mets	37	45	.451	11
Miami Marlins	30	49	.380	16.5
D.C. Balk	29	53	.358	18.6

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Minnesota Twins	52	28	.650	—
Cleveland Indians	44	36	.550	8
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	40	40	.504	11.6
Chicago White Sox	37	41	.474	14
Bellingham Cascades	34	46	.431	17.5
Detroit Tigers	26	50	.342	24
Kansas City Royals	28	53	.346	24.5

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Chicago Cubs	44	37	.543	—
Milwaukee Brewers	43	38	.531	1
St. Louis Cardinals	40	39	.506	3
Pittsburgh Pirates	38	41	.481	5
Cottage Cheese	38	43	.470	5.9
Cincinnati Reds	36	42	.462	6.5
Brookland Outs	32	49	.399	11.6

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Houston Astros	50	32	.610	—
Texas Rangers	45	36	.556	4.5
Oakland A’s	43	39	.524	7
Los Angeles Angels	42	40	.512	8
Kaline Drive	40	42	.488	10
Haviland Dragons	39	43	.471	11.4
Seattle Mariners	37	48	.435	14.5

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Los Angeles Dodgers	56	27	.675	—
Portland Rosebuds	54	29	.645	2.4
Colorado Rockies	42	39	.519	13
Peshastin Pears	42	41	.512	13.5
Arizona Diamondbacks	42	41	.506	14
San Diego Padres	40	40	.500	14.5
San Francisco Giants	34	46	.425	20.5

I bet there are a lot of things you never realized about Nobody. For example, Nobody is very opinionated about the EFL race! Nobody is rooting for the Rosebuds this year.  Nobody thinks we should go back to the days when the same team keeps winning the championship year after year. Nobody  bemoans that blast of bad pitching from Brad Peacock (3 ip, 6 er), outdoing even Walker Buehler. Kevin Newman kept things from being much worse by providing 1/3 of the team’s hits, and 4/5 of the team’s extra bases, with his 3 for 5 with a double and a homer.  Nobody rejoiced to see those heroics.  Given all this support the Rosebuds are getting, I expect someday to see this headline in the Oregonian:  “Nobody Named Rosebuds’ Fan of the Year.”