Hiccups

 If you were to spend enough time around me you would quickly learn that I regularly get the hiccups. This is especially true when I eat certain food – carrots, for instance, are certain to give me the hiccups, and I have no idea why. Apparently it is genetic, because one of my kids is stricken with the same affliction. One of my wife’s earliest memories of me is how I hated the hiccups. In fact, when I get them everything I am doing comes to a complete stop, I find a cup of water and proceed to drink it upside down, the method I have found most effective in getting rid of the hated hiccups. My frustration is internal, but my 12 year old son Ethan, who is my hiccuping heir hates them vehemently and vocally. As soon as he gets them he stomps around, he grunts, he moans, he whines. It has made our entire family hate the hiccups because he becomes intolerable until they are gone. And some days he will get them 3 or 4 times! Imagine how hard our life must be…

EFL
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB	RS	RA
Portland Rosebuds	58	32	.643	—	528.5	393.3
Flint Hill Tornadoes	54	32	.627	2	540.9	411.9
Old Detroit Wolverines	48	38	.555	8.1	503.7	446.3
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	45	42	.520	11.1	425.2	406.9
Peshastin Pears	45	45	.502	12.7	478.2	483.1
Haviland Dragons	43	45	.489	13.9	456.4	462.5
Kaline Drive	42	46	.477	14.9	387.5	408.8
Canberra Kangaroos	42	47	.477	15	476.2	504.7
Cottage Cheese	42	47	.473	15.3	526.3	544.4
Bellingham Cascades	38	49	.440	18.2	418.1	470.8
Brookland Outs	35	54	.397	22	433.0	540.7
D.C. Balk	31	58	.353	26	380.3	516.3

The Rosebuds has 6 batters with an incredible 5th of July, all of them OPSing over 1.000 and another who OPSed over .750. But they also had 8 guys OPS under .350, and it appears those numbers cancel each other out – hence 0 runs on the day. For those looking up at Portland, this is exactly the kind of day you wake up dreaming to see. It’s the kind of day that can make hiccups seems worth it, if you ask me.

The Tornadoes got 1 IP and it was a good one, and the hitters provided and Edgar Martinez Day (EMD) which, as Ron has taught us, is pretty good. I am a little jealous that Ron and Ben get to attend Edgar’s induction in the HOF, but I suppose having a string of EMDs could make up for that jealousy.

Playing fantasy baseball can create some weird emotions. Yesterday I was openly rooting against the Wolverine’s Rafael Devers even though he plays for my favorite team, the Red Sox. It didn’t matter – Devers had an OPS of 1.933 to lead the Red Sox to a victory. However, as I turned to watch the Twins game I saw recently traded Ryne Harper (from FH to OD) give up an ER in 1 IP, and it made my happy again. Almost happy enough to forget about my morning of hiccups.

Has anyone been paying attention to Peter Alonso’s rookie season? He has been on a tear, the one bright spot on the woeful Mets (and perhaps the lone bright spot on the Alleghanys?). Last night he had an OPS of 2.000 to carry his team. Too bad Trevor Gott decided to give back some of those runs in his relief appearance (18.00 ERA).

Speaking of EDMs, the Pears had one of their own, led by Brandon Drury (2.667 OPS) and Logan Forsythe (1.750 OPS) and three other guys who all OPSed over 1.000. It appears his pitching staff was too confident in his hitter’s ability to score runs, giving up 13 of their own, most of them replacement innings.

I was not surprised to see the Dragons tie their game today (well, it was a win in the EFL), because they had a very average day. The hitters were led by Kolten Wong (1.400 OPS) and the free Nate Lowe (1.000 OPS). I still can’t believe he got Lowe for free. EFL robbery, right? Right. But the rest of the Dragon hitters were lackluster for the day, and the pitchers settled into their own mediocrity. Hence, a tie game.

The Drive had 8 hits last night and 5 of them were HRs. That’s how you get a .222 AVG and a .649 SLG. In an MLB era in which more and more players seem to buying into the same approach, it is a reminder that only hitting home runs, as fun as they are to watch (and hit, I imagine) is not enough if your team doesn’t pitch well enough.

I’ve always thought that the EFL is so harsh – you score 9 runs on pretty good hitting, and your pitching keeps pace, and you still get hung with a loss. But then I remember that some days a teams wins games 1-6 and when that happens to me I smile a little feeling like I have cheated the system. So the system seems to have “cheated” the kangaroos today, but on another day they will do the same. I am impressed that in Canberra the catchers (Garver and Alfaro) are leading the way offensively. How many other teams can say that? Nice work, guys!

I got called out by Cheese ownership in the comments section of yesterday’s update, so I am going to make it up to him today. I mean, he decided to help me while on vacation! How great is that? The Cheese had 19 total bases yesterday, and 16 of those came from 4 guys – Ohtani, Polanco, Verdugo and Barreto (did you notice all of those last names end in a vowel? How cool is that?) But the other guys decided to go on vacation with their owner. Including the pitchers.

I rectified Ron’s error and so Bellingham played 4 games yesterday. Their pitchers came to play this month, led by 3 old guys – Fiers, Bailey, and Miley – all 32 or older). The Cascade hitters, however, have started the All Star break a little early. Perhaps news of their best hitter (La Stella) breaking his leg made them give up prematurely, or perhaps they are all trying to match Bryce Harper – hey, he got a huge contract and has had only 4 hits this month…so maybe I should take the same approach?

The Outs have had a decent month offensively thus far, led by the likes of Jose Martinez, Brian Dozier, and the red hot Cody Bellinger. Martinez and Bellinger have accounted for over half of the entire team’s total bases this month! If their pitchers can figure it out, they could have a scary good month. Look out hiccups! (Editor’s note: some people have said you can scare away the hiccups, but that NEVER works.)

The Balk are getting their money’s worth from players who have the same sound for both their first and last name (what can I say? I happen to like that in a person) – Kole Calhoun (2.000 OPS) and Kevin Kiermaier (.400, .400, .400 – he really like symmetry). The others? Well, besides Danny Jansen (.750 OPS) they aren’t sure they want to contribute much that we would call good.

AL East
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
New York Yankees	57	29	.663	—
Flint Hill Tornadoes	54	32	.627	3.1
Tampa Bay Rays	50	39	.562	8.5
Old Detroit Wolverines	48	38	.555	9.3
Boston Red Sox	47	41	.534	11
Toronto Blue Jays	33	56	.371	25.5
Baltimore Orioles	26	61	.299	31.5

NL East
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
Atlanta Braves	53	36	.596	—
Philadelphia Phillies	46	42	.523	6.5
Washington Nationals	45	42	.517	7
Canberra Kangaroos	42	47	.477	10.6
New York Mets	39	49	.443	13.5
Miami Marlins	32	54	.372	19.5
D.C. Balk	31	58	.353	21.6

AL Central
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
Minnesota Twins	55	32	.632	—
Cleveland Indians	48	38	.558	6.5
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	45	42	.520	9.7
Chicago White Sox	41	43	.488	12.5
Bellingham Cascades	38	49	.440	16.8
Detroit Tigers	28	55	.337	25
Kansas City Royals	30	59	.337	26

NL Central
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
Milwaukee Brewers	47	42	.528	—
Chicago Cubs	46	42	.523	0.5
St. Louis Cardinals	44	42	.512	1.5
Pittsburgh Pirates	42	45	.483	4
Cincinnati Reds	41	44	.482	4
Cottage Cheese	42	47	.473	4.9
Brookland Outs	35	54	.397	11.6

AL West
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
Houston Astros	55	33	.625	—
Oakland A’s	49	40	.551	6.5
Texas Rangers	47	41	.534	8
Los Angeles Angels	45	44	.506	10.5
Haviland Dragons	43	45	.489	12
Kaline Drive	42	46	.477	13
Seattle Mariners	38	54	.413	19

NL West
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB
Los Angeles Dodgers	60	30	.667	—
Portland Rosebuds	58	32	.643	2.1
Colorado Rockies	44	43	.506	14.5
Peshastin Pears	45	45	.502	14.8
Arizona Diamondbacks	44	45	.494	15.5
San Diego Padres	43	45	.489	16
San Francisco Giants	39	48	.448	19.5